This is why David said, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." David knew God's rod was for David's protection and wasn't something for David to fear but something for his enemies to fear. We need to parent so that our children can have this same confidence that David had in his Father!
Here's an easy self-test about the Biblical use of the rod which talks about David and how God was the perfect GPS/bodyguard!
22. Jesus is my example as to how to live…and He had 12 disciples. They were called disciples because He disciplined them. And, nowhere in scripture do I see Jesus hitting or threatening or punishing the disciples. (Because discipline ≠ punishment)
What I see Jesus doing with the disciples to discipline them to make them be His disciples is my example of how to be a parent and discipline my children...
1 Peter 2:21
For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
23. The fruit of not-spanking is incredible…because all of the things the kids do RIGHT you know are coming from a good heart and not because of fear of punishment!
Links to posts about the fruits of not spanking!
24. It hides our children's true hearts from us. Instilling a fear of punishment to control behavior works against us because bad behavior is a symptom of problems inside our children's hearts...and if those symptoms are repressed when they are little then we can't deal with them and help them and those things…reappear once the fear of spanking is gone…It's commonly thought of as "teenage rebellion" but it is actually just those symptoms that we repressed in our kids when they were little.
25. Spanking/hitting…even as a "last resort"…teaches kids that when you run out of words and you still can't get your way with someone it's OK to resort to force. Children obviously have lesser resources, ideas, and run out of words sooner. So, if you run out after x amount of tries, maybe your toddler will have to resort to hitting after saying, "Gimme that!" once...but it's the same thing.
And, if you watch your kids, you will see that they use the same techniques on each other that we use on them. I've seen it. The same words of coercion and manipulation and threatening that I've ever used on my kids...when they are trying to get their way with their siblings they use the same thing. Someday, these same techniques will be used on friends, bosses, co-workers, and our grandchildren. Modeling how to "use your words and NEVER resort to using force" is a critical skill we must teach our children if they are to succeed in life!!!
26. Spanking/hitting…even as a "last resort"…still leaves kids living in fear and focused on acting the way you want despite how they truly feel inside…which again…leaves them in fear and hides their true hearts from you. They will still never be confident to share their whole selves with you and feel safe in your love "no matter WHAT they do."
27. If spanking/hitting "as a last resort" was "good" it would not need to be reserved as a "last resort." We don't eat broccoli "as a last resort." We don't drive the speed limit "as a last resort." If we have to do this as a "last resort" that's probably a clue that we shouldn't be doing it at all. And, if we have to disclaimer it with that...if we have to say, "yeah, BUUUUT, I only do it as a last resort..." Why do we even do it when clearly the truth on our hearts it telling us it's not right or good?
God is good...all the time. And, you can always talk openly and freely about that which is good. If we have to do this "as a last resort" I see that as a clue that it's not good...therefore...not of God.
29. When Jesus' children were naughty and just wouldn't listen, His last resort was to die for us. We were very naughty children...
The joy set before Him was our salvation from sin. And, to save us from sin He endured the cross. He didn't punish us or "lay down the law." No. He suffered and He took all the sin of the world upon Himself. He bore our naughtiness to make us good.
So, how about the parents who talk of "using spanking as a last resort." Have those parents resisted to the point of truly SUFFERING in their striving against their children's wrong choices? Have they resisted or fought against it to the point of shedding blood (as did Jesus...as in HIS OWN) before they use that "last resort?" Hardly.
30. Spanking/hitting is too arbitrary. What inspires the parent to think a child "deserves" having some pain is not etched in stone like the 10 Commandments, but, varies from parent to parent. And, in some families where children are spanked by other family members (like grandmothers, etc) this makes it even more confusing to the children.
The spanking rules then are not really teaching the children what is "right and wrong" but rather what "inspires so n' so to spank me or not." This puts the focus of the child's behavior on pleasing the person in authority over them for fear of getting a spanking or not. The lessons of "right and wrong" are missing in this and this type of learning to navigate life fails the child once there is no one "over them" to judge their behaviors all the time.
31. Since a parent hitting a child is a huge deal, God would have paid better attention to it and given more serious instruction concerning it. The lack of instruction as to when and how to hit a child in the Bible is alarming. But, there is a verse that says that if you, "Cause a child to stumble it'd be better for you to have a huge stone tied around your neck and for you to be tossed into the sea." This was said in the days before horror movies. These would have been strong words!
32. The Bible does say that fathers are not to frustrate or anger their children. Biology (the study of the bodies God created) shows us that being struck does stimulate us to frustration and anger. Therefore, God could not have intended for us to hit our children if He built their bodies to react to pain as He did and He told us not to make them mad?
If God intended that pain be used to STOP behavior something would have been wired differently so that falling down didn't hurt because clearly God expects us to get back up. He expects that the pain will not stop us. Therefore, using pain via spanking/hitting to stop behavior is not how God designed us. Parents wonder why after receiving this pain/spanking that kids do the same thing again...and this could be why. Because God wired us to NOT be stopped by pain but to persevere no matter what to get what we want...
35. Pain only hurts it doesn't bring life. Romans 1 says we can see truths about how God is in the Creation. Nowhere in nature do we see anything that's "thriving" that does so due to pain. Some things necessary to help growth cause pain but the pain is a byproduct of the real thing. No physical illness or anything is cured exclusively by "pain." All spanking is is the administration of "pain."
Discipline sometimes is quite painful but the pain is the byproduct of the disciplining. True discipline is not "pain" but sometimes causes it. Jesus disciplines us. Our Father God disciplines us. Sometimes this is painful but the pain is not the cure. Spanking is not discipline. Spanking is only pain.
36. It IS possible to have a happy healthy child who is not a tyrant without ever hitting/spanking them! I have one! And, the fruit of that is awesome!!
40. Spanking does not proclaim that Jesus has come in the flesh. Remember that verse that tells us how to differentiate between teachers we should follow and ones we shouldn't?
And, what does it even mean that "Jesus has come in the flesh and is from God?" What significance does this even have?
25. Spanking/hitting…even as a "last resort"…teaches kids that when you run out of words and you still can't get your way with someone it's OK to resort to force. Children obviously have lesser resources, ideas, and run out of words sooner. So, if you run out after x amount of tries, maybe your toddler will have to resort to hitting after saying, "Gimme that!" once...but it's the same thing.
And, if you watch your kids, you will see that they use the same techniques on each other that we use on them. I've seen it. The same words of coercion and manipulation and threatening that I've ever used on my kids...when they are trying to get their way with their siblings they use the same thing. Someday, these same techniques will be used on friends, bosses, co-workers, and our grandchildren. Modeling how to "use your words and NEVER resort to using force" is a critical skill we must teach our children if they are to succeed in life!!!
26. Spanking/hitting…even as a "last resort"…still leaves kids living in fear and focused on acting the way you want despite how they truly feel inside…which again…leaves them in fear and hides their true hearts from you. They will still never be confident to share their whole selves with you and feel safe in your love "no matter WHAT they do."
27. If spanking/hitting "as a last resort" was "good" it would not need to be reserved as a "last resort." We don't eat broccoli "as a last resort." We don't drive the speed limit "as a last resort." If we have to do this as a "last resort" that's probably a clue that we shouldn't be doing it at all. And, if we have to disclaimer it with that...if we have to say, "yeah, BUUUUT, I only do it as a last resort..." Why do we even do it when clearly the truth on our hearts it telling us it's not right or good?
God is good...all the time. And, you can always talk openly and freely about that which is good. If we have to do this "as a last resort" I see that as a clue that it's not good...therefore...not of God.
28. If spanking/hitting "as a last resort" it would look OK to see Jesus doing it.
But, that's not what we saw Jesus do on earth is it? And, if this picture doesn't offend you, I don't know what to even say to you? But, if we can't picture Jesus doing it...it's not right.
Romans 5:6
For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
1 Peter 3:18
For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust
Ephesians 2:1-3
And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the[c]course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.
And, His "last resort" was seen on the cross...
Hebrews 12:2-5
...Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
...Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
So, how about the parents who talk of "using spanking as a last resort." Have those parents resisted to the point of truly SUFFERING in their striving against their children's wrong choices? Have they resisted or fought against it to the point of shedding blood (as did Jesus...as in HIS OWN) before they use that "last resort?" Hardly.
The "last resort" argument is not one modeled by Jesus at all...and if Jesus isn't modeling it we shouldn't be doing it. In fact...God does not punish us UNTIL we have rejected fully His resistance to our sin in shedding His own blood, does He?! And, even then, it's not like hell is a "punishment" to "teach us a lesson" or "teach us to be good." Hell is actually just a "natural consequence" of our sin...eternal separation from God is a choice.
30. Spanking/hitting is too arbitrary. What inspires the parent to think a child "deserves" having some pain is not etched in stone like the 10 Commandments, but, varies from parent to parent. And, in some families where children are spanked by other family members (like grandmothers, etc) this makes it even more confusing to the children.
The spanking rules then are not really teaching the children what is "right and wrong" but rather what "inspires so n' so to spank me or not." This puts the focus of the child's behavior on pleasing the person in authority over them for fear of getting a spanking or not. The lessons of "right and wrong" are missing in this and this type of learning to navigate life fails the child once there is no one "over them" to judge their behaviors all the time.
31. Since a parent hitting a child is a huge deal, God would have paid better attention to it and given more serious instruction concerning it. The lack of instruction as to when and how to hit a child in the Bible is alarming. But, there is a verse that says that if you, "Cause a child to stumble it'd be better for you to have a huge stone tied around your neck and for you to be tossed into the sea." This was said in the days before horror movies. These would have been strong words!
32. The Bible does say that fathers are not to frustrate or anger their children. Biology (the study of the bodies God created) shows us that being struck does stimulate us to frustration and anger. Therefore, God could not have intended for us to hit our children if He built their bodies to react to pain as He did and He told us not to make them mad?
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down
James 3:17-18
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
33. Part of the natural learning process involves being hurt. Kids make mistakes and fall and get hurt. We expect them not to quit but to keep trying despite the pain. But, yet, when they do certain things we expect them to STOP doing certain things when they feel pain. This doesn't make sense.
If God intended that pain be used to STOP behavior something would have been wired differently so that falling down didn't hurt because clearly God expects us to get back up. He expects that the pain will not stop us. Therefore, using pain via spanking/hitting to stop behavior is not how God designed us. Parents wonder why after receiving this pain/spanking that kids do the same thing again...and this could be why. Because God wired us to NOT be stopped by pain but to persevere no matter what to get what we want...
34. People will try to say, "I was spanked and I'm OK." God made our bodies with kidneys, spleens, livers…all kinds of "filters" to filter out toxins in our diets to keep us safe and healthy. And, likewise, we are able to turn out "OK" even if we were spanked as children. Jesus, my example, came to give me LIFE and that more abundantly. He wants me and my children not to just "turn out OK" but to thrive!
And, the research has shown links to depression, loss of intelligence, anxiety, aggression, sexual problems, etc...due to spanking. If you have any emotional problems and still attempt to say that, "I was spanked and I'm OK" the evidence would demonstrate that you're actually not...
And, I would say that if you think it's OK for a full-grown adult to resort to hitting a child to "teach them lessons" then that is another evidence that you're not...OK!
And, for wives who say this...for you to see your 200 pound husband hitting your 30 pound toddler because he can't think of any other way to handle a situation...for you to see this and think this is OK...this is another evidence that you're not...OK!
And, the research has shown links to depression, loss of intelligence, anxiety, aggression, sexual problems, etc...due to spanking. If you have any emotional problems and still attempt to say that, "I was spanked and I'm OK" the evidence would demonstrate that you're actually not...
And, I would say that if you think it's OK for a full-grown adult to resort to hitting a child to "teach them lessons" then that is another evidence that you're not...OK!
And, for wives who say this...for you to see your 200 pound husband hitting your 30 pound toddler because he can't think of any other way to handle a situation...for you to see this and think this is OK...this is another evidence that you're not...OK!
35. Pain only hurts it doesn't bring life. Romans 1 says we can see truths about how God is in the Creation. Nowhere in nature do we see anything that's "thriving" that does so due to pain. Some things necessary to help growth cause pain but the pain is a byproduct of the real thing. No physical illness or anything is cured exclusively by "pain." All spanking is is the administration of "pain."
Discipline sometimes is quite painful but the pain is the byproduct of the disciplining. True discipline is not "pain" but sometimes causes it. Jesus disciplines us. Our Father God disciplines us. Sometimes this is painful but the pain is not the cure. Spanking is not discipline. Spanking is only pain.
36. It IS possible to have a happy healthy child who is not a tyrant without ever hitting/spanking them! I have one! And, the fruit of that is awesome!!
37. God is concerned with our hearts not our actions. And, spanking only addresses the actions. Discipline addresses the heart. You can only address the outside by hitting the outside of the child's body. But, when you get involved in their life and their heart and you talk to them...that gets inside them where the problem is. And, being in pain actually shuts off the logical thinking part of the brain which means...that it actually shuts off the route to the heart. The heart is shut off and protected from "discipline" when the body is being "punished." God designed the body this way.
We know, as Christians, that it is the hidden person of the heart that God is looking for...not our actions. It is not by our actions that we are saved. Over and over the Bible consistently reminds us that it is our hearts that God is concerned with to the point that not even our GOOD actions really matter!
38. There are things in the world that are equivalent to discipline like jogging. Many people freely enter into the discipline. We look at those people and admire their healthy choice to discipline themselves this way. Jogging can be painful. Jogging is an example of true discipline.
If we know someone who freely enters into things to cause themselves pain…someone who engages in acts of "self-harm" just for the sake of feeling that pain, we do not admire those people and think they are making a healthy choice because seeking pain would be a sign of a psychological problem.
Pain is punishment. Pain is not life giving. You can cause pain quickly and easily. Spanking is pain. Discipline, as in the discipline of jogging…is time consuming. The pain comes on slowly and is a "good pain" that leads to health and life. Punishment and pain are not the same thing.
Disciplining children is like jogging. It takes time, effort, sweat, and sometimes tears but it is all good pain. Healthy pain that you can be proud of and admired for. Pain…spanking…is not the same.
Spanking, therefore, actually "witholds discipline from the child."
We know, as Christians, that it is the hidden person of the heart that God is looking for...not our actions. It is not by our actions that we are saved. Over and over the Bible consistently reminds us that it is our hearts that God is concerned with to the point that not even our GOOD actions really matter!
Isaiah 64:6
For all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment...
Galatians 2:16
...since by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified.
Ephesians 2:8
For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;
1 Samuel 16:7
...for God sees not as man sees, for man looks atthe outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
1 Peter 3:3-5
Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Acts 13:22
...‘I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My heart, who will do all My will.’
If we know someone who freely enters into things to cause themselves pain…someone who engages in acts of "self-harm" just for the sake of feeling that pain, we do not admire those people and think they are making a healthy choice because seeking pain would be a sign of a psychological problem.
Pain is punishment. Pain is not life giving. You can cause pain quickly and easily. Spanking is pain. Discipline, as in the discipline of jogging…is time consuming. The pain comes on slowly and is a "good pain" that leads to health and life. Punishment and pain are not the same thing.
Disciplining children is like jogging. It takes time, effort, sweat, and sometimes tears but it is all good pain. Healthy pain that you can be proud of and admired for. Pain…spanking…is not the same.
Spanking, therefore, actually "witholds discipline from the child."
39. Spanking does not demonstrate the forgiveness Jesus suffered to give us. If I must get payment for my children's misdeeds then I am not being like the Father who is my example how to be a parent.
The best time to cut down an oak tree is when it's a sapling. When it's just sprouted. And, so satan's attack on children is swift and sure and the best way to convince someone to do something is to say it's of God…and so this attack is most powerfully coming from the church and protected by the, "the liberals just don't want us to be able to discipline our children" way of thinking.
Spanking is not discipline. And, God never intended for us to hit our children. Everything He created in nature points to this and it is a darn shame that we…the church…the cream of the crop…the friends of God…are not leading the way in the world for respecting children and "using our words" and demonstrating how the Prince of Peace who died for us would treat them. It's a darn shame that Christians have come so far as to believe that one is LESS like Christ if they fail to hit/spank their child.
Pic: Two large oaks and a buncha' new trees
which have grown all around on the ground.
Getting those two big ones down would be a big job...
but it doesn't take much to be rid of those little trees which have just sprouted.
40. Spanking does not proclaim that Jesus has come in the flesh. Remember that verse that tells us how to differentiate between teachers we should follow and ones we shouldn't?
1 John 4:1-3
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God; and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God; this is the spiritof the antichrist, of which you have heard that it is coming, and now it is already in the world.
And, what does it even mean that "Jesus has come in the flesh and is from God?" What significance does this even have?
I'd venture to say a few things...
Sin enslaves us...
Romans 6:16
Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness?
Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness?
Mankind was enslaved because all who had reached the Jewish age of accountability had chosen to turn from God...
Isaiah 53:6
All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way
All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way
Romans 3:23
All have sinned
All have sinned
("sinned" is verb that means all have engaged in sinning)
Therefore, since we'd all made that choice and were enslaved to sin...Jesus came to save us...
Isaiah 53:6
All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him.
Jesus said on the cross, "It is finished."
John 19:30
Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit.
Hebrews 10:18
Now where there is forgiveness of these things, there is no longer any offering for sin.
1 Corinthians 1:17
For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not in cleverness of speech, so that the cross of Christ would not be made void.
For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not in cleverness of speech, so that the cross of Christ would not be made void.
Colossians 2:14
...having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.
...having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.
2 Peter 2:1
But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will also be false teachers among you, who will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing swift destruction upon themselves.
But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will also be false teachers among you, who will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing swift destruction upon themselves.
If you cannot understand this...could it be that you don't really understand what Jesus did for us on the cross?
1 Corinthians 1:18
For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
Because, of this, would that be why you do not realize that spanking is actually of no value...
Colossians 2:23
These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasementand severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.
These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasementand severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.
Or worse...what if by exacting payment from our children for their wrong doings and by following the Old Testament laws about "the rod" (even if misapplied) we are shaming Christ? Could it be that for Christians who have stood at the foot of the cross and asked forgiveness and received it...and have then turned and focused on their children's works and on punishing them for their "sins" that we are again crucifying Jesus and putting Him to open shame before the eyes of the world who see us as hypocrites for hitting our children?
Hebrews 6:1-6
Therefore leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us press on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, of instruction about washings and laying on of hands, and the resurrection of the dead and eternal judgment. And this we will do, if God permits.
Therefore leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us press on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, of instruction about washings and laying on of hands, and the resurrection of the dead and eternal judgment. And this we will do, if God permits.
For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame.
What Christian would really be willing to risk this?
