Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? Wikipedia says that "Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.”"
Though our children are not "our hostages" they kinda' are. They can't run away. They can't control any aspect of their own lives. In some households children aren't allowed to decide when they eat or when they sleep or wake. Nothing! What if the reason these children are obedient is because they have built a survival type bond with the person who controls them...who intermittently harasses (nags) them, who beats/spanks them (with a spatula, hand, belt, or paddle) and who threatens to do those things thereby intimidating them?
Is THAT the relationship you want to have with your child? Is that the relationship you think you have with God? Do you fear God because you believe if you don't do what He says you'll "go to hell?" That's not true love. And, that's not the "person after God's own heart" that God is looking for in His children. If you were raised being spanked and you have that relationship with God...you definitely didn't turn out, "OK." And, if your children are obedient out of fear...they're not OK either.
82. All verses used by Christians to support "spanking" are found in the Old Testament. Jesus never said or did anything to indicate that we are to inflict pain on our children to control their behavior. You cannot raise your children under law AND under grace at the same time. If you are going to parent by the Old Testament Law then you must do so without missing a beat or else your child is cursed. Are you prepared to be that "perfect parent" and consistently follow the law so that your child is not cursed?
Galatians 3:10
For as many as are of the works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not abide by all things written in the book of the law, to perform them.”
James 2:10
For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all.
83. Controlling my children's behavior with pain and the threat of pain means that my children will live in a constant state of "fear" in the home. Fear of "not doing this" and "not doing" that "or else" they will get a spanking. Parents may want to say that is absurd that their children do not "live in fear" but are happy and quite content, but, statistics tell us that children who live in homes that spank will get a spanking at least every week. Some parents admit to doing it every day. A child who wakes up in the morning knowing that he's gotten a spanking every day of his life so far, is going to "be in fear" all day of when that spanking is going to come.
If...controlling my children's behavior with pain and the threat of pain was God's way and what is meant by the "rod" verses in the Bible, then, rather than fear and anxiety, it would produce the comfort that David speaks of in Psalm 23, "thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." To find comfort and security in God's rod would be life-giving. But, if the use of the rod in your home is producing fear...it is not life-giving but rather will result in "death."
Medical science, which is in the perpetual search for the "truth" about our physical world, tells us that fear and anxiety hurt the human body and can result in physical death.
Romans 1 says that everything we wanna know about God is evident in the Creation and...
Proverbs 8:17
“I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me.
Science has made its blunders over the years and as Christians know they have come to some wrong "conclusions" about the evidence they see. But, over the last 30 years all of the seeking about the truth about the physical brain and how it works and develops...and all the seeking for truth about how "spanking" affects our physical development cannot be denied...unless you..."suppress the truth" (Romans 1)
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down
The Creation tells us that "spanking" leads to physical death in the heart of man, and modern science has discovered and agreed with the Bible on this truth. How, therefore, can one insist to still believe that somehow "the fear of a spanking" is going to lead to life in their children's hearts?
Anxiety may lead to risk of heart disease
Anxiety and heart disease
Mind-Body Connection: Fear leads to many diseases
84. Romans 1 tells us that the truth about God's ways are evident in the physical universe that He created. And, the truth is on our hearts. When we read a book that tells us to do things that we feel are wrong, but, we do them anyway...we are not parenting God's way.
David said that God's rod gave him comfort. Not fear.
God says that the truth is placed on our hearts by Him.
God says that evidence of the truth is everywhere we look.
And, the life of Jesus has shown us the Father.
So, if you choose to ignore all those things and if you choose to believe your pastor, your friends, or books which tell you that it's God's way to use the rod that David found comfort in...to inflict pain and instill fear in your children...and you think that making your children's behavior conform to your opinion of righteousness is going to save them from hell...
I understand why Romans 1 says that "the wrath of God is revealed against those who suppress the truth" because the fact that this is so obvious and so aggressively defended by Christian pro-spankers who are supposed to be "lovers of truth" is wrath inducing.
David said that God's rod gave him comfort. Not fear.
God says that the truth is placed on our hearts by Him.
God says that evidence of the truth is everywhere we look.
And, the life of Jesus has shown us the Father.
So, if you choose to ignore all those things and if you choose to believe your pastor, your friends, or books which tell you that it's God's way to use the rod that David found comfort in...to inflict pain and instill fear in your children...and you think that making your children's behavior conform to your opinion of righteousness is going to save them from hell...
Jeremiah 17:5
Thus says the Lord, “Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind And makes flesh his strength, And whose heart turns away from the Lord.
85. Most parents who "spank" will get quite animated in their arguments if you attempt to assert that "spanking" is "hitting." Romans 1 again tells us that we aren't to spank our children because of that evidence in our own hearts and bodies. The fact that those who are convinced in their minds that they are to strike their children to give them physical pain to control their behavior will vehemently argue that spanking is NOT hitting...when it clearly is...is evidence that there it not peace inside them with the truth on their hearts. There is no way to spank a child if you do not hit them with something. Spanking simply is hitting. The only reason to deny the obvious and to come up with a sanitized euphemism for this action is because we inherently know that hitting is wrong.
1 John 2:21
I have not written to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it, and because no lie is of the truth.
Jeremiah 31:33
...declares the Lord, “I will put My law within them and on their heart I will write it; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.
If you feel the need to defend spanking and insist that it is not what it is (hitting)...and if you feel bad every time you spank your child and feel you have to "justify" it if someone sees you do it, guess what? Your heart is condemning you...
1 John 3:1
Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God;
Romans 2:14-16
For when Gentiles who do not have the Law do instinctively the things of the Law, these, not having the Law, are a law to themselves, in that they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them, on the day when, according to my gospel, God will judge the secrets of men through Christ Jesus.
86. Along with point 85...if spanking was right we would not need a euphemism to label it.
By definition...
eu·phe·mism [yoo-fuh-miz-uh
m]
nounm] 1. the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.
2. the expression so substituted: “To pass away” is a euphemism for “to die.”
Most people who think of themselves as Christians are pro-life...and are therefore familiar with dealing with the pro-abortion euphemisms of calling the baby a "cluster of cells" or the "products of conception." And, how they will refer to abortion as, "terminating a pregnancy." Changing the word they use to describe the baby and the procedure changes the discussion. "Killing a baby" and "terminating a pregnancy" are talking about the same thing, yet, one sounds evil and the other...almost blazé. One you could hardly convince anyone that it's OK to "choose" and the other you'd think, "Who cares?"
There are lots of ways we do this. Here's a couple common English euphemisms...
Adult entertainment = porn
Passed away = dead
Ethnic cleansing = murdering entire races of people
Well hung = (sorry!)
Turn a trick = have sex with a stranger for money
A roll in the hay = having sex
Remains = person's dead body
Kick the bucket = die
Full figured = fat
Spanking = hitting a child
It's a common belief in the church...that the verses in Proverbs about "the rod" mean that we're to take a wooden spoon, spatula, switch, belt, or hand and hit our children on the buttocks when they "are naughty" (do things we don't want them to.)
Most parents who "spank" will insist that it's different from hitting. Buuuut...let's be real! You can't spank without hitting, can you? Like it says above you believe you are to "take a wooden spoon, spatula, switch, belt, or hand and hit our children on the buttocks." Even if you change hit to "strike" or "smack" it's the same thing. It's not a massage. It's a strike. A whack. A smack. A hit. It's hitting.
But, if this is God's will, what's the big deal? So what if it's hitting? If God has commanded it then it's good, so why the euphemism? It's quite clearly "hitting" so why call it "spanking?" Christians are, after all, lovers of The Truth...lovers of The Living Word...so why not use the true words?
Are the true words about "spanking" good?
Are the true words about "spanking" offensive?
Romans 1 and the truth on your heart tell you what you should be doing in response to that.
Most people who think of themselves as Christians are pro-life...and are therefore familiar with dealing with the pro-abortion euphemisms of calling the baby a "cluster of cells" or the "products of conception." And, how they will refer to abortion as, "terminating a pregnancy." Changing the word they use to describe the baby and the procedure changes the discussion. "Killing a baby" and "terminating a pregnancy" are talking about the same thing, yet, one sounds evil and the other...almost blazé. One you could hardly convince anyone that it's OK to "choose" and the other you'd think, "Who cares?"
There are lots of ways we do this. Here's a couple common English euphemisms...
Adult entertainment = porn
Passed away = dead
Ethnic cleansing = murdering entire races of people
Well hung = (sorry!)
Turn a trick = have sex with a stranger for money
A roll in the hay = having sex
Remains = person's dead body
Kick the bucket = die
Full figured = fat
Spanking = hitting a child
It's a common belief in the church...that the verses in Proverbs about "the rod" mean that we're to take a wooden spoon, spatula, switch, belt, or hand and hit our children on the buttocks when they "are naughty" (do things we don't want them to.)
Most parents who "spank" will insist that it's different from hitting. Buuuut...let's be real! You can't spank without hitting, can you? Like it says above you believe you are to "take a wooden spoon, spatula, switch, belt, or hand and hit our children on the buttocks." Even if you change hit to "strike" or "smack" it's the same thing. It's not a massage. It's a strike. A whack. A smack. A hit. It's hitting.
But, if this is God's will, what's the big deal? So what if it's hitting? If God has commanded it then it's good, so why the euphemism? It's quite clearly "hitting" so why call it "spanking?" Christians are, after all, lovers of The Truth...lovers of The Living Word...so why not use the true words?
Are the true words about "spanking" good?
Are the true words about "spanking" offensive?
Romans 1 and the truth on your heart tell you what you should be doing in response to that.
87. It's a bad testimony about God to non-Christians. We Christians are to be the image of Jesus for the world. If they see us they're to have seen Jesus, right? How does hitting our kids figure in to that? Did Jesus hit us to "save us?" Did Jesus come to punish us or discipline us?
I have noticed on many occasions how the response that some of my atheist friends have had to my anti-spanking posts on facebook. They comment things like, "It is a very odd thing, to hit a child...and the more time goes by, the odder it seems to me...but then a lot of things seem odd to me!!"
They see hitting kids as hypocritical for people who claim to be followers of Jesus. Jesus is the "Prince of Peace" and more often than not what atheists see are "war mongers", and parents hitting their kids. Is it any wonder they turn to truly peaceful religions like Buddhism?
The world does not see hitting and being judged as "love." Most people have been hurt and judged wrongly so many times in life. Jesus is there to welcome them and to save them from all that.
When they see Christians judging and "hitting" their children...they see "more of the same." They see hypocrites. And, they think our god is just as lame as we are because of it.
If you train your kids their whole life growing up that when they be bad, mess up, or sin against you that you punish them...what do you do when you have sinned against them? Do you...give them your car keys? Do you send yourself to bed without supper? Do you hand over your iphone? Ground yourself from having coffee in the morning for a week? Ban yourself from facebook? Do you let them spank you? What?
If you don't "punish yourself" for the sins you do wrong to them after you have trained your kids that this is what is to happen when people are "bad"...then...isn't that a double standard? Isn't that...confusing? Hypocrisy? And, how are your kids to get closure on what you've done? How are your kids to feel at peace with what you've done to them if you don't get punished?
If you think that it would be inappropriate for you to be punished by your child for you having sinned against them...why? Do you consider yourself more important than them? Are you above the law because you're older and because you're the authority? Isn't this like government officials not following the same rules as us?
If your boss would dock your pay for being late but then come late to work every day and never dock his own pay...wouldn't you cry out, "Not fair!!!?"
So, if you feel it's inappropriate for you to be punished by your child for doing wrong and sinning against them, then, you have to ask yourself "why?" Why is it enough for you to say, "Sorry!" and be forgiven by your child but that is not good enough for them.
I have noticed on many occasions how the response that some of my atheist friends have had to my anti-spanking posts on facebook. They comment things like, "It is a very odd thing, to hit a child...and the more time goes by, the odder it seems to me...but then a lot of things seem odd to me!!"
They see hitting kids as hypocritical for people who claim to be followers of Jesus. Jesus is the "Prince of Peace" and more often than not what atheists see are "war mongers", and parents hitting their kids. Is it any wonder they turn to truly peaceful religions like Buddhism?
John 13:35
By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
The world does not see hitting and being judged as "love." Most people have been hurt and judged wrongly so many times in life. Jesus is there to welcome them and to save them from all that.
John 3:17
For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.
When they see Christians judging and "hitting" their children...they see "more of the same." They see hypocrites. And, they think our god is just as lame as we are because of it.
1 Corinthians 8:11-13
For through your knowledge he who is weak is ruined, the brother for whose sake Christ died. And so, by sinning against the brethren and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble.
I believe spanking leads non-Christians to stumble in 2 ways...One is them seeing us "loving" our children with hitting and force. The other is that we train ourselves and our children...to judge and condemn. I believe (as in imo) that if "you" are OK with the process involved in spanking...you were spanked. You were trained to think it's OK...
88. You are training your kids about what to expect from you when you sin against your kids. If you're a normal human, you're going to mess up sometimes. You're going to smart off at them about something. You're going to interrupt them when they're talking. You're going to tell them you're going to pick them up at X time and show up late. You're going to promise them something and then forget. You're going to mess up. And, when you do...then what?
If you don't "punish yourself" for the sins you do wrong to them after you have trained your kids that this is what is to happen when people are "bad"...then...isn't that a double standard? Isn't that...confusing? Hypocrisy? And, how are your kids to get closure on what you've done? How are your kids to feel at peace with what you've done to them if you don't get punished?
If you think that it would be inappropriate for you to be punished by your child for you having sinned against them...why? Do you consider yourself more important than them? Are you above the law because you're older and because you're the authority? Isn't this like government officials not following the same rules as us?
If your boss would dock your pay for being late but then come late to work every day and never dock his own pay...wouldn't you cry out, "Not fair!!!?"
Proverbs 11:1
A false balance is an abomination to the Lord,
But a just weight is His delight.
So, if you feel it's inappropriate for you to be punished by your child for doing wrong and sinning against them, then, you have to ask yourself "why?" Why is it enough for you to say, "Sorry!" and be forgiven by your child but that is not good enough for them.
Suggestion: make a personal list of all the things you do spank for and then ask yourself what you do when you do that same thing to your children...see how fair your balance is in your home?
89. The "rod" verses are all part of the law. They are all in the Old Testament. And, while there is ample evidence that these verses were never intended to be interpreted as, "Parents strike your children on the buttocks with a wooden spoon or spatula, etc..." Even if they had been an instruction to strike our children...we are no longer under law...but are now instructed to imitate Christ.
True wisdom of God and God's ways are found not in the law of Moses...not in the Old Testament...but in the life of Christ. All the instruction Jesus gave concerning children was gentleness and kindness. Never harsh, punitive, or controlling. Jesus never said that kids "need a good butt whacking!" Or, that they need any number of things that modern parents think that kids "need."
To be true followers of Jesus and not the law we must do like Jesus did...
Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.
We received Christ in forgiveness, right? You prayed "the sinner's prayer," right? You didn't receive Christ by paying for our own sins (as in spanking.) Did you? And, we have an enemy who hates us. An enemy who hates that we've been forgiven...that Christ died to set us free from his power and so he doesn't want us to understand or receive this. This is why we're instructed to be careful and focus on Christ...
Col. 2
For I want you to know how great a struggle I have on your behalf and for those who are at Laodicea, and for all those who have not personally seen my face, that their hearts may be encouraged, having been knit together in love, and attaining to all the wealth that comes from the full assurance of understanding, resulting in a true knowledge of God’s mystery, that is, Christ Himself, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I say this so that no one will delude you with persuasive argument.
To be true followers of Jesus and not the law we must do like Jesus did...
Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.
We received Christ in forgiveness, right? You prayed "the sinner's prayer," right? You didn't receive Christ by paying for our own sins (as in spanking.) Did you? And, we have an enemy who hates us. An enemy who hates that we've been forgiven...that Christ died to set us free from his power and so he doesn't want us to understand or receive this. This is why we're instructed to be careful and focus on Christ...
Col. 2:8
See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception,according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority; and in Him you were also circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, in the removal of the body of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ; having been buried with Him in baptism, in which you were also raised up with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead.
While under the law we constantly strove to pay for our own sins. But, Jesus has ended that system. When we spank our children we are maintaining them in a system of attempting to pay for their own wrongdoings...But, Jesus came and when we were adults...when we knew better and were "dead in our sins" He...didn't spank us. He died for us and forgave us and released us from debt...
Col. 2
When you were (very bad. disobedient and naughty!) dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions, having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. When He had disarmed the rulers and authorities, He made a public display of them, having triumphed over them through Him.
Galatians 3:13
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us
Gal. 3:21-27
Is the Law then contrary to the promises of God? May it never be! For if a law had been given which was able to impart life, then righteousness would indeed have been based on law. But the Scripture has shut up everyone under sin, so that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe.
But before faith came, we were kept in custody under the law, being shut up to the faith which was later to be revealed. Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith. But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor. For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.
90. No one can judge us but God, alone. And, this is true for us when we are 99...9...or 9 months old. When our parents spank us they are acting as our judge. When we spank our children...we are acting as their judge and modeling for them to do the same to their own children and to others.
Col. 2:16-23
Therefore no one is to act as your judge in regard to food or drink or in respect to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath day— things which are a mere shadow of what is to come; but the substance belongs to Christ. Let no one keep defrauding you of your prize by delighting in self-abasement and the worship of the angels, taking his stand on visions he has seen, inflated without cause by his fleshly mind, and not holding fast to the head, from whom the entire body, being supplied and held together by the joints and ligaments, grows with a growth which is from God.
If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world, why, as if you were living in the world, do you submit yourself to decrees, such as, “Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!” (which all refer to things destined to perish with use)—in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men? These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.
Romans 14:4
Who are you to judge the servant of another?
James 4:12
There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?
James 2:12
So speak and so act as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty.
91. The Bible even says that spanking is ineffective against sin.
Col. 2:23
These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.
Heb. 10:10
By this will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. Every priest stands daily ministering and offering time after time the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins; but He, having offered one sacrifice for sins for all time, sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time onward until His enemies be made a footstool for His feet. For by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are sanctified.
Galatians 3:13
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us...
92. We are hypocrites when we punish our children for acting like us. If you take the time to watch your children you see that they are just like you. They imitate us and then...we punish them for it. One of the best examples of this is when a child hits and they receive a spanking. Where did that child learn to use his hands to hurt another?
Romans 2:1
Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.
I even know a story...where a teenaged boy stole from his aunt. His dad then beat the livin' tar outta' him for it. But, the dad...was addicted to drugs and working an illegal business to support the family. What did that boy learn from that beating? What did that dad think he was doing?!
93. Divorce. In this world where it's more common to be divorced than not, even within the church, shouldn't we be looking seriously at the foundations we're laying for our children on how to treat the opposite sex? I mentioned this back in #14 and this point will move closer to that number when I get a chance to reorganize, but, what are we teaching our children about how to act with, treat, and regard the opposite sex when we spank them?
People divorce because they "sin against each other" and cannot forgive each other and heal the relationship so they split apart. Adults who were raised punitively have not been taught how to "be sinned against" and to forgive it without expecting the other to suffer or be punished. When we are sinned against and lash out we end up in what's called a fight. Fights are where people hit each other with their words (mostly). One of you says something that "sins against" the other and you must hit back and "punish" the other for what they've just done. The cycle continues with each person sinning more and more against the other making the one sinned against feeling more and more like the other needs to "be punished" to the point that the ultimate punishment is the total withdraw of your love. Divorce.
Spanking does not model how to navigate or heal a troubled marital relationship. It does, however, model a clear path to divorce.
What Christians want most to do to the world is share Jesus! And, husbands and wives are the best demonstration to the world "who God is." In the beginning God made man in His image: male and female. When we are united as man and wife we're to become "one flesh."
Men and women have different innate qualities that we can see in most (but obviously not all) people. Things like men are physically larger and stronger. Women can bring new life into the world and make milk. Men are better at reading maps than women. Women are better at multi-tasking. Women can have a cold and still make dinner (and take care of everything else!) while men have to lie in bed dying. ;) Things like that... So, that when you take the two halves with their strong innate qualities which represent some of the image of God...and you put us together...you get the perfect image of God.
Or, you're supposed to.
Raising our men and women in punitive environments sets them up to be "against" each other. It sets us up to fight because when conflict comes, when one of us sins against the other, if we've been raised in a punitive environment our first instinct will not be to forgive and reconcile, but, to punish the other before we forgive them. This sets us up for a cycle of fighting which in these days has resulted in about half of all marriages failing and resulting in divorce.
And, this is the picture the world is getting of God. But, God hates divorce...
And, He has "given us the ministry of reconciliation" and thru Jesus has "reconciled the world to Himself." The household in which the two parents have been raised trained to demand punishment from one another in order to forgive...gives up eventually and divorces is not presenting a picture of who God is to the world.
Children raised in punitive environments not only grow up to not be able to relate to one another the way they're supposed to, but, while relating to one another poorly they pass those attitudes along to the next generation even if they choose to not spank their own children... :(
Spanking does not model how to navigate or heal a troubled marital relationship. It does, however, model a clear path to divorce.
What Christians want most to do to the world is share Jesus! And, husbands and wives are the best demonstration to the world "who God is." In the beginning God made man in His image: male and female. When we are united as man and wife we're to become "one flesh."
Men and women have different innate qualities that we can see in most (but obviously not all) people. Things like men are physically larger and stronger. Women can bring new life into the world and make milk. Men are better at reading maps than women. Women are better at multi-tasking. Women can have a cold and still make dinner (and take care of everything else!) while men have to lie in bed dying. ;) Things like that... So, that when you take the two halves with their strong innate qualities which represent some of the image of God...and you put us together...you get the perfect image of God.
Or, you're supposed to.
Raising our men and women in punitive environments sets them up to be "against" each other. It sets us up to fight because when conflict comes, when one of us sins against the other, if we've been raised in a punitive environment our first instinct will not be to forgive and reconcile, but, to punish the other before we forgive them. This sets us up for a cycle of fighting which in these days has resulted in about half of all marriages failing and resulting in divorce.
And, this is the picture the world is getting of God. But, God hates divorce...
Malachi 2:16
For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel...
And, He has "given us the ministry of reconciliation" and thru Jesus has "reconciled the world to Himself." The household in which the two parents have been raised trained to demand punishment from one another in order to forgive...gives up eventually and divorces is not presenting a picture of who God is to the world.
Children raised in punitive environments not only grow up to not be able to relate to one another the way they're supposed to, but, while relating to one another poorly they pass those attitudes along to the next generation even if they choose to not spank their own children... :(
94. We are the world's link to God. We are to demonstrate WHO God is by how we act. Spanking has led to the world seeing God as a...basically...Westboro Baptist. A big angry judge just waiting for people to mess up to execute His judgment on them!
We do God a huge disservice and send the wrong message to the world when they see us striking our children and then...when we have that attitude in us from being spanked as a child we end up having the Westboro Baptist attitude about "sinners."
The picture of an adult striking a helpless child...no matter why the adult believes they are doing this...the vision of an adult striking a child is not beautiful. It is not like a lamp on a lampstand giving light to the world.
Jesus is the true light that enlightens every man. And, the light that He shines is one of self-sacrifice and forgiveness...not of punishment. When the world looks at pro-spanking Christians they see a Jesus who comes to the earth to punish...not to save.
But, parents who think that they "need to impose consequences" on their children are actually making it so that children can never actually see the harm done to others and to God which is the true consequences of their actions but only fear the pain that they are going to suffer.
Remember David and Uriah and Bathsheba? Nathan came to David and told him that by doing these things to them...he hurt them and had "sinned against the Lord," and had "despised the Lord."
Our goal as parents needs to be to help our children see the ripple effects of their sins and not to be focused on the fact that we are going to cause them pain. The pain the should feel over their sin should be the pain of knowing they cause another harm. Once our children have grown in their capacity for empathy to the point that they can be grieved over how their actions have hurt others, we will have very little "disciplining" left to do. Empathy is a much better deterrent to doing things which hurt people than the fear of punishment.
We do God a huge disservice and send the wrong message to the world when they see us striking our children and then...when we have that attitude in us from being spanked as a child we end up having the Westboro Baptist attitude about "sinners."
The picture of an adult striking a helpless child...no matter why the adult believes they are doing this...the vision of an adult striking a child is not beautiful. It is not like a lamp on a lampstand giving light to the world.
Matthew 5:16
Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Jesus is the true light that enlightens every man. And, the light that He shines is one of self-sacrifice and forgiveness...not of punishment. When the world looks at pro-spanking Christians they see a Jesus who comes to the earth to punish...not to save.
Matthew 6:23
If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!
95. Punishments teach the children that the consequence of their wrong choices is that they will be hurt.
Truth is, when we make wrong choices and sin...it is usually someone else who gets hurt. This should be our focus: the harm we did to someone ELSE. The pain we caused someone ELSE. And, our focus should be to reconcile and do our best to fix what we messed up.
But, parents who think that they "need to impose consequences" on their children are actually making it so that children can never actually see the harm done to others and to God which is the true consequences of their actions but only fear the pain that they are going to suffer.
Remember David and Uriah and Bathsheba? Nathan came to David and told him that by doing these things to them...he hurt them and had "sinned against the Lord," and had "despised the Lord."
Our goal as parents needs to be to help our children see the ripple effects of their sins and not to be focused on the fact that we are going to cause them pain. The pain the should feel over their sin should be the pain of knowing they cause another harm. Once our children have grown in their capacity for empathy to the point that they can be grieved over how their actions have hurt others, we will have very little "disciplining" left to do. Empathy is a much better deterrent to doing things which hurt people than the fear of punishment.
96. You cannot consider another person more important than yourself if you feel you have the right to inflict pain upon them.
Children raised to fear their parent as a source of pain and "consequences" when making bad choices will not be stopped from doing things which can hurt others if they "think they can get away with it." The way they will measure whether or not to do something "bad" or not won't be whether or not it will hurt someone else...but rather if they think they can get away with it without getting caught.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves
97. As kids get older you reach a point where they are big enough that you no longer spank them. Then what? You will have to resort to another form of "inflicting pain" upon the child to control their behavior, and the problem is, that the older the children get the craftier they get. They get more and more able to hide their sin and to rationalize, lie, and escape punishment.
Children who are raised to fear their parent as a source of pain when they make bad choices will have learned how to hide those bad choices from their parents...who are the people God designed to help them fix those bad choices.
Children raised to fear their parent as a source of pain and "consequences" when making bad choices will not be stopped from doing things which can hurt others if they "think they can get away with it." The way they will measure whether or not to do something "bad" or not won't be whether or not it will hurt someone else...but rather if they think they can get away with it without getting caught.
98. Punishments like spankings lose their power in a way empathy never will. Punishments are something that the parent carries around with them to administer to the child when needed. Empathy is something stored inside the child. Empathy cannot be instilled in children through punishment, but, only through discipleship/discipline.
Anything we fear becomes less and less fearsome with repeated exposure. While we, as children, all fear a spanking, sometimes the desire for something we want is greater than our fear of something that we've so "been there done that" with.
Even older kids. Maybe you take away their car keys. Maybe you ground them from the internet. Maybe you take their phone. After the first time, they know they can endure it. They know that they can make it through to get their phone back and that the grounding will be over eventually. Overall, the punishment is the focus.
Kids raised this way who get to the point that the punishments don't threaten them anymore...these kids who now have no threat of punishment are left with nothing to base their choices on, then. But, a child who is full of empathy will carry that with them whether they have a parent around or not. They will carry that with them wherever they go and it will guide them. Their choices will be based on others and their concern for others not their concern for their own rear ends or the threat of some other pain.
Anything we fear becomes less and less fearsome with repeated exposure. While we, as children, all fear a spanking, sometimes the desire for something we want is greater than our fear of something that we've so "been there done that" with.
Even older kids. Maybe you take away their car keys. Maybe you ground them from the internet. Maybe you take their phone. After the first time, they know they can endure it. They know that they can make it through to get their phone back and that the grounding will be over eventually. Overall, the punishment is the focus.
Kids raised this way who get to the point that the punishments don't threaten them anymore...these kids who now have no threat of punishment are left with nothing to base their choices on, then. But, a child who is full of empathy will carry that with them whether they have a parent around or not. They will carry that with them wherever they go and it will guide them. Their choices will be based on others and their concern for others not their concern for their own rear ends or the threat of some other pain.
99. Spanking enslaves the parent to the paddle. I have seen it time and time again...parents who spank who get frustrated in public situations because "they can't spank their children" and they basically then have no clue what to do with their child when they misbehave.
Spanking robs parents of their brains (which could be another point on its own), basically, because when the belt or that wooden spoon that's always kept in the car is not available to be used...the parents are powerless. For a parent to feel powerless without the ability to strike their child is very very sad.
Spanking robs parents of their brains (which could be another point on its own), basically, because when the belt or that wooden spoon that's always kept in the car is not available to be used...the parents are powerless. For a parent to feel powerless without the ability to strike their child is very very sad.
100. It encourages gossip. Because the repeated patterns over a child's life of "wrong doing leading to punishment" instills within us the need to see wrongdoers punished, and because most wrongdoers do not actually get punished...what we end up doing is punishing them with our words. Spanking instills within our children the need to see those people punished and so they become accusers and "call down curses" on them by exposing and talking badly about the wrongs they believe they have done.
This is not "training our children up in the way they should go."
Romans 1:29
being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips
And, oh yes, there are MORE reasons...
This is not "training our children up in the way they should go."
Romans 1:29
being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips
1 Timothy 3:11
Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.
Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.
1 Timothy 5:13
At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.
2 Timothy 3:3
unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
Titus 2:3
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good...
And, oh yes, there are MORE reasons...
