Testing the Spirit of the Advice you Follow

Some of the most popular books in the bookstores are ones on how to raise children.

Christians, obviously, filter thru all the books out there to find the ones written by Christians. Christians want only godly advice, to raise up godly children. And when it comes to choosing the right books, we rely on this teaching...

1 John 4

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God; and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God; this is the spirit of the antichrist, of which you have heard that it is coming, and now it is already in the world. 

So, we check to see if whoever it is "confesses Christ" or not.
But Satan and his minions are what? Liars. Yes? So, if you ask him or his little worker-bees, “Are you Christian,” what will they say? Will they tell you the truth? Or will he twist God's word and toss it back to you like colorful beach ball and hope you catch it and play along? 

When satan was attempting to take down Jesus, he tossed scripture at Him. But Jesus saw thru satan's attempt to manipulate Him thru quoting scripture, didn't He?

Eve, however...she wasn't so smart, was she?

So...if we can't rely on what people say...how do we test those spirits then, to see if they really ARE from God or not?

1 John 1:6

If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth;

We look at the walk...and...

Luke 6:43

For there is no good tree which produces bad fruit, nor, on the other hand, a bad tree which produces good fruit.

Luke 6:44

For each tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they pick grapes from a briar bush.

Matthew 7:17

So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.

Matthew 7:18

A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.

Matthew 7:19

Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

Matthew 7:20

So then, you will know them by their fruits.

You look at the fruit.

The walk, and the fruits tell all.

So when it comes to all the many child-rearing manuals out there...what could they be advising that would indicate that they are "confessing" that Christ has come in the flesh? What was Christ all about? Why'd He come?

Isaiah 61:1

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, Because the LORD has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners;

Galatians 5:1

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

Freedom.

One of the very foundational things we're told about why Christ died...was for freedom. It was for freedom He went to the cross and did all that suffering.

Romans 1 says anything you want to know is evident in the Creation, and the life-robbing qualities of freedom's opposite are evident all over Creation. One sure-fire way to make any animal develop bad and even dangerous characteristics...is to cage them. And all around the world, universally, we see that "slavery" and "captivity" are the worst states a human can be in. People of every religion and philosophy will fight to the death...to be free.

So here's one question to start with: Does the child-rearing advice you're reading...focus on freedom...or on control? 

And what is the fruit in your child? Does your following of that author's advice lead to your child working on keeping watch over their every step? Does your book lead your children to feeling led, guided, safe, and free? Or...controlled, managed, and afraid? Do your children feel free, or like they are in a cage of rules and regulations?

Caging in Creation leads to bad fruit.

Freedom leads to good fruit.

So, would you think advice that focuses on teaching parents to manage, control and monitor their children is "confessing that Christ has come in the flesh...to die to set us free"? This is crucial because it is, "By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God."

"But my children are good and obedient!" Yes! But are they free? Do they obey freely? Do they obey out of love, with the freedom to disobey? Or do they obey out of fear?

I'm not talking about letting kids "run wild." Boundaries are good and necessary for freedom.

The lines in the highway which "confine" me to my lane make me safe and free to drive. Without the lines, I'm controlled by fear and am not free. But it's one thing to put lines in the road to show me where to drive, and another thing entirely to sit in the car with me and tell me what to do, where to go, and keep one hand on the steering wheel while I drive. 

Defining the boundary leaves me free to drive.
Keeping one hand on the steering wheel makes my act of driving "slavery".

It was for freedom that Christ died. His sacrifice defines the boundary.

There is no fear in love.

God is love.

By advising you to manage, control, and monitor your children's every move...not only are both you and your children not free...they are sending you backwards, out of the New Testament into the Old...

Galatians 2:21

I do not nullify the grace of God, 

for if righteousness comes through the Law, 

then Christ died needlessly.”

Therefore...no matter what those authors say about themselves and their advice...no matter what pastors and "the Church" at large says about those authors...the Bible has one place for their advice...

Matthew 7:19

Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

Ditch those books!

What's one thing these popular books all have in common???

They're all written by men.

So what? 

What's that have to do with anything?

Have you ever considered whether or not God has given these men authority to give you this advice? Women, especially. Do you listen to these men? Does God really care if you use these books to go to these men for advice on how to care for your children?

1 Corinthians 14:35

If they [women] desire to learn anything, 

let them ask their own husbands 

Are those authors your own husband?

No. They're someone else's husband, aren't they?

In fact...

1 Timothy 3:12

Deacons must be husbands of only one wife, 

and good managers of their children 

and their own households.

The men who write these books are to be husbands to only one wife and managers of children in their own households.

Is he your husband? Are your children in that author's household?

Then has God given that man...the husband of another woman...the authority to manage your children?

No.

But it's not like that? You're not really letting that man manage your household?

If you obey the words of God in His book, the Bible...are you not being the hands and feet of Jesus...allowing Him to work through you?

Then if you are diligently obeying the words/advice of Michael Pearl, James Dobson, Ted Tripp, or Gary Ezzo through that man's books...then are you not being that man's hands and feet, and allowing him to manage your household through you?

I know you want to say no but if you can be honest...this is what you're doing.

And, have you ever stopped to wonder why God would tell you not to ask other men what to do with your household?

Another common factor of the books shown above is the attitude toward and treatment of children. Is it possible God knows taking advice from men who are not your life partner, your husband, could be bad for your household?

Just look at Creation...

Romans 1:20

...since the creation of the world, His [God's] invisible attributes, 

His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen,

 being understood through what has been made...

In most cases in Creation, the females innately know how to care for their young, and often end up needing to protect the young...from the father.

Another common factor of the books shown above is the cold attitude toward and harsh punitive treatment of children. All those men are in favor of leaving a baby to cry alone in the middle of the night, and all insist on spanking.

Romans 1:19-20

...that which is known about God is evident within them; 

for God made it evident to them...

so that they are without excuse.

For the most part...women cannot sleep through the sound of a crying baby the way a man can. And women...very often...will turn spanking over to the man, "Just wait till your father gets home!" because women are not wired to harm their children.

If women listened to their instincts...and to the men who they chose to be partners in life with...about the well-being of the children in their own households...and had no input from these other men via their books...most women would hold their children close, respond to them, cuddle them, sleep with them, and never hit them.

In other words...most women would never do the things advised in any of those books...and would instead...do exactly what they are supposed to do with their children...

The things that have been happening in this last century to children have resulted in the world we see around us right now.

This is why God said...

Titus 2:3

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior,

 not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, 

teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women 

to love their husbands, to love their children, 

to be sensible...

And, why does this verse say older women are to do these things? 

"...so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

If you care about what the Bible says about raising kids...you will ditch every one of those books written by men...and at least start listening to the advice of your heart...

1 John 3

...if our heart does not condemn us, 

we have confidence before God.

If the book you're reading, written by some other woman's husband...has you aching and crying...standing outside your crying baby's door, not responding...your heart is condemning you. 

If the book you're reading, written by some other woman's husband...has you brandishing a kitchen tool against your child's body and doing so makes you feel unpleasant...your heart is condemning you.

Stop reading books by other women's husbands.

Stop letting other women's husbands manage your households and children.

Listen to your hearts.

Consult older women who have happy, successful children.

Discuss things with your own husbands.

And most of all...imitate how your Heavenly Father has parented you.

Start doing these...so that the Word of God will stop being dishonored in the church...and by extension...we will begin to see the Word of God honored in the world...

After you ditch the books written by other women's husbands, you could give one of these a try...and if you log onto Amazon and check any of these out...there are plenty of trails to other books written by women...that will not lead your heart to condemn you...

Why did LR Knost write "Jesus the Gentle Parent"?

I took on big names like Dr. James Dobson (Dare to Discipline, The Strong-Willed Child, etc.), Michael Pearl (To Train Up a Child), Gary Ezzo (Babywise, GKGW, etc.), Tedd Tripp (Shepherding a Child's Heart), and more in the 'Christian' child-training arena in my new book. Some have asked why. 

Here are a few quotes from their books that I challenge and deconstruct in, 'Jesus, the Gentle Parent: Gentle Christian Parenting,' that show why this book absolutely needed to be written:

“After ten acts of stubborn defiance, followed by ten switchings, he surrendered his will to one higher than himself.” (about whipping a 15 month old) …

”Don't wait until they are one year old to start training. Rebellion and self-will should be broken in the six-month-old when it first appears…

"never show mercy. One squeak of a scream gets a switching.” (about whipping a 3-year-old) …

“For young children, especially during the first year, the rod is used as a training tool. You use something small and light to get the child’s attention and to reinforce your command. One or two light licks on the bare legs or arms will cause a child to stop in his tracks and regard your commands. A 12-inch piece of weed eater chord(sic) works well as a beginner rod. It will fit in your purse or pocket. Later, a plumber’s supply line is a good spanking tool…A baby needs to be trained all day, everyday.” (Michael Pearl)

“Pain is a marvelous purifier…It is not necessary to beat the child into submission; a little bit of pain goes a long way for a young child. However, the spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause the child to cry genuinely… Real crying usually lasts two minutes or less, but may continue for five. After that point, the child is merely complaining... I would require him to stop the protest crying, usually by offering him a little more of whatever caused the original tears.” (Dr. James Dobson)

“Even at mealtime, be looking for training opportunities in order to avoid retraining. Don’t allow poor eating habits– such as fingers in the mouth, playing with food, and spitting out food–to become a normal pattern of your child’s behavior. It only means correcting the child at a later date…

”Chastisement [spanking] is the price paid to remove the guilt thus free the child from his burden. If the parents do not remove the guilt, the child lives under the weight of sin.” (Gary Ezzo)

“A parent must recognize and see clearly that Biblically beating his child sensitizes that child not only to the fact of sin but also to its ugliness. In addition, the child will see that the penalty must always be paid when we sin…The one who does not Biblically beat his child, in a loving and consistent way, in a very real sense predisposes that child for hell and even has a very direct part in sending him there.” (Ronald E. William)

"Father: You didn't obey Daddy, did you?
Child: No.
Father: Do you remember what God says Daddy must do if you disobey?
Child: Spank me?
Father: That's right. I must spank you. If I don't, then I would be disobeying God. You and I would both be wrong. That would not be good for you or for me, would it?
Child: No. (A reluctant reply)"...
"If your child is still angry, it’s time for another round. ‘Daddy has spanked you, but you are not sweet enough yet. We are going to have to go back upstairs for another spanking"...
"If you fail to spank, you fail to take God's Word seriously. You are saying you do not believe what the Bible teaches about the import of these issues. You are saying that you do not love your child enough to do the painful things that God has called you to.” (Tedd Tripp)

The Bible absolutely does NOT command or even recommend spanking, and these books using God's Word to strong-arm parents into believing that they have to hit their children to save them from hell, that not hitting their children shows that they don't believe God and don't love their children is unconscionable. 

'Jesus, the Gentle Parent: Gentle Christian Parenting' gives Christian parents the chance to see things differently, to follow their hearts, to make peaceful parenting choices, and it offers them the Scriptural support to defend their parenting beliefs when challenged. 

Change is hard, and backlash is inevitable when deeply rooted cultural beliefs are confronted. That's okay. This book is simply a starting place, a beginning, a whisper of a hope for a more peaceful future that has its roots in the gentle hearts of parents tenderly and compassionately raising the next generation of gentle parents. 

Should you take advice from James Dobson on children?

One thing that is important is to consider very seriously who you take advice from, true?

2 Timothy 4:3
For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires...

Parents these days pretty much all seem to want babies to sleep and kids to unquestioningly obey them. So, how do we know if the people we take advice from are giving truly Godly advice or if we have simply "accumulated teachers in accordance to our own desires?" How can we be sure we're really following God's advice and not just finding teachers who tell us what we want to hear?

Jesus warned us...

Matthew 7:15-17
“Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits.

That means that if your neighbor is trying to tell you what to do with your kids, and her kids look like this (or worse) all of the time:

(pic from some old horror movie)

If you look at your neighbor's kids and see they are always unhappy (lacking in the fruits of the Spirit)...I guess you would realize you need to smile politely and thank her and go on your merry way and not take their advice. Their fruits speak. That's one way we can know. 

And, considering that Jesus said this about people who give bad advice about children, "It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he would cause one of these little ones to stumble." We need to be very careful and take this very seriously, true?

But, if the person we're considering taking advice from is a "famous person" who you don't know personally (so we can't really see their fruit) then how can you tell? In some cases, like in the case of Gary Ezzo, the author of, "On Becoming Babywise," and "Growing Kids God's Way," thanks to modern technology you can read his bio online at least to find out that he was kicked out of a church for embezzlement and that his own kids have disowned him. That would be some serious fruit that would say, "No. Don't listen to this guy." 

But, what about mainstream super popular guys like James Dobson? 

Eeeevvverybody loves him! Look at that smiling face! He's behind Adventures in Odyssey! He's got all those Christian marriage DVDs and books! He's the Christian author of bunches of child rearing books! He's got a radio show! Dobson's practically a household name in all Christian homes! Surely HE is a good guy to listen to?! He does talk about Jesus all the time and has a lot of good advice...and his ministry is called, "Focus on the Family!" He's gotta be a good guy!!

But, we're supposed to trust in God, not man. And, that means we have to be careful with everyone's teaching. We must remember the serpent's words to Eve...and realize that usually false prophets preach a lot of truth with just enough lie mixed in that it becomes deadly. So, we still need to be careful even with popular teachers. Individually, we're responsible for what we take in and believe. So, how do we know?

Someone posted something on facebook recently about "accusing". And, about the spirit behind certain types of people who eagerly jump on ya and call you names. And, it's true...satan is "the accuser". I think it fits here as one of the ways to be able to tell about people.

Jesus said something about this in a way here: 

“You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.“ Matt. 5:21-22

Since satan is the accuser of the brethren, I guess if someone is acting like an accuser...that would be one clue to us. Satan speaks against us and is against God. Someone who is for God would speak about us as God does. There really is no middle ground. Someone is either for or against God...

Luke 11:23
He who is not with Me is against Me; and he who does not gather with Me, scatters.

So, on the topic of children...here are some things God has said about children:

Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Matthew 18:2-4
And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Luke 18:15-17
And they were bringing even their babies to Him so that He would touch them, but when the disciples saw it, they began rebuking them. But Jesus called for them, saying, “Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.”

And, so, if Dobson is gathering with God on this topic...if he is speaking for God...he should agree with God, true? 

So, what does Dobson say about children?

Here are a few things Dobson has referred to children as in his books:

“brat, bratty, pugnacious, spitfires, defiant, confirmed anarchists, hot lava, Goody Two-Shoes, sneaky, horrid, little revolutionaries, defiant, contentious, double trouble, hardheaded as mules, tough-minded, little fat-fingers, defiant, toughie, irritating, pack of adolescent wolves, confirmed revolutionary, Hurricane Hannah, little chameleon, negative, sour, sullen, ill-tempered, prissy, stick of dynamite, flighty, spoiled brat, goof-off, obnoxious, fireball, snippy, defiant, rambunctious, difficult, testy, groaning lump, nasty, all legs, all nose and ears, cantankerous, rude, unruly, stubborn, defiant, hostile, mischievous, gangly legs, foolish, selfish, insane”

Hmmm...

Gathering? Scattering?

Dobson sounds almost...like the accuser, doesn't he?

"...I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell."" Matt. 5:21-22

It almost sounds like he "hates" kids saying all those awful things about them, doesn't it?

1 John 4:20
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.

Even a little bit of poison mixed into a huge healthy meal will still make you sick or kill you. Even if you think a lot of Dobson's advice is good...you can't ignore the fruit...or as a lover of The Truth...you shouldn't...

Ephesians 5:15
Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise...

Another article on Dobson

Spanking makes the parent into the unforgiving slave...

Jesus told parables to teach us something about us and God... 

“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves...one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him...did not have the means to repay...fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.

But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed.

So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18)

"He who has ears to hear let him hear..."

Spot the Difference

Do you think of God as a "permissive parent" because He forgave you without sending you to hell for your sins? Because He's accepted you and forgiven you for ALL THE WRONG you've done without punishing you?

Does God step in and punish us every time we do wrong?

Has God forgiven you?

Did Jesus hang on the cross for you?

When you evangelize do you tell people that they must be punished for their sins in order to be right with God? Or, do you tell them they must be forgiven?

You can listen to and be a follower of teachers like James Dobson and Michael Pearl (and all the pro-spankers) OR...you can...

Ephesians 5:1

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children

Romans 2:4

Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?

Be careful who you take parenting advice from...

Colossians 2:23

These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.