If I want to be able to say, "Do I ever hit you?" to press the point that my kids should not hit one another...I can't spank.
62. God hasn't left us a list in the Bible of things that kids can and can't do and when they break one of those unchangeable rules they get hit. No! Each household has different rules. And, not only that...each authority figure within a household will even have different rules. Sometimes Grandma shows up and she even has authority to hit and has her own rules. Each authority figure will even have different rules depending on how much sleep they've had the night before, or if they've had too much/not enough coffee or wine!
So, truth is we do actually spank/hit when they have done something we have decided they can't do. We hit our children when we don't like what they do. When they cross a line that our opinion says shouldn't be crossed at that moment...that's when we commence whacking. That's just the truth. And, I don't think it's ever OK to hit anyone just because they've crossed a line I've drawn.
63. There are some who although they use the word, "spanking" and insist that it is different from "hitting"...will actually still say that they use something to do the hitting because "their hands are for loving." Those parents are inadvertently proving that hitting a child is not "loving." And, God is love. Therefore, I should not be hitting my child...not with my hand...not with my words...not with anything!
64. Google "spanking" and select to see "images." Seriously. Do it. See what comes up. If that doesn't reveal some truth about it I don't know what does. If you put in simply "spanking" like 99 out of 100 pics are kinky sex pics. Adults. In order for me to collect the pics I've sprinkled throughout these posts of children being spanked I had to specify "children" and even then I had to make sure my kids weren't looking at my screen because of all the kinky pics that are mingled in.
I have to tell my kids to not look at my screen when I do those searches all the time to get graphics for this site!!!!
65. When we mess up we aren't "in trouble" with God. The psalmist said that God was, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” and "my refuge in the day of distress"
Jeremiah says of God... "You are my refuge in the day of disaster."
In Samuel it says, "My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; My savior, You save me from violence."
Now. When your kids have done something wrong and they think of you finding out...do they think of you as a refuge? As something to save them from violence? Or, are YOU the source of the "trouble" as in they are afraid of you because, "I'm gonna be in SO MUCH TROUBLE when my parents find out."
This isn't how God is with us. If we are to parent like God we are to be the source of relief and safety from the problem...
66. This point came to me via facebook from Christina Driggers, a reader of this blog..."in order to spank your child you HAVE to separate your love from the hitting. Hitting your child hurts you right? So in order to do so you have to somehow, mind over matter, desensitize your heart, your instinct, your built in strong desire to protect your child from pain and harm....if you spank enough, your heart will become desensitized to your child's needs which can lead to greater harm and possibly abuse."
This is another great point because God built it into us to protect our children from harm. It's one of our strongest drives that "Mama Bear" that rises up inside of us when our child is threatened. This is how God created us to be, and to purposely shut that down in order to inflict pain on our children goes against God's design and is therefore NOT God's way...
67. My home, as a mini-government, needs to reflect God's government. Pro-spankers often accuse non-spankers of being "worldly" but...the civil government or the "worldly government" operates punitively. It punishes. God's government is one of self-sacrifice, forgiveness, cleansing, and healing. If I am punitive in my home I am imitating the world's government, not God's. If I am to imitate God as the ultimate "authority" in my home I must be self-sacrificial, forgiving, and cleansing and healing in my children's lives. The world's government punishes. God's government disciplines.
68. Matthew 18:10-14 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven. For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost."
Have ya ever really thought about that verse? What kinds of things do you "despise?" Mondays. Paying taxes. You despise things that do not give you pleasure and rob you of things you do love. The Bible very clearly tells us not to "despise" our children. I believe sadly that our culture sees children as a liability or thing that robs us of things we love (like money and leisure time and sleep.) And, this despising is only amplified by our punitive way of thinking about our children's behavior and by the hormonal activity in the brain when we engage in the act of striking our children to spank them. This could be its own very long blog post...
An antonym for "despise" is listed as "love." And, despite the fact that parents will insist that they spank "in love"...refer to the "love chapter" in 1 Cor. and see if spanking fits into that chapter?
Synonyms:
abhor, abominate, hate, detest, execrate, loathe
Antonyms:
love
69. The Good Shepherd's reaction to "wayward sheep" is not of punishment but of seeking, finding, and rejoicing!
“What do you think? If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying? If it turns out that he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine which have not gone astray. So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish."
What does a parent normally do who parents punitively? If one of their "sheep goes astray" when they discover this do they rejoice over that child? Or, do they (back to #60) despise that child and punish them?
Picture the parent with a straying child in a parking lot. That child is most likely to get a whack on the rear than a joyful loving hug. The type of parenting which has parents striking their sheep is not what the Bible describes.
And, people don't realize that when they strike their child to get them to not go out in front of a car...what they are teaching the car is not to fear running out in front of cars because of fear of being hit by a car...but because of fear of being hit by the parents. :(
70. My own crimes against my Father in heaven can't even begin to be compared to my child's "crimes" against me in my home. My Father has richly forgiven me.He's looked at my HUGE HUGE mountain of debt and died for me and He's told me that He is my example how to live. He is my example how to be a parent. And, spanking and the attitude toward my child that goes along with that way of parenting would make me more like the unforgiving servant...and at the end of this story you can see what God thinks of it...
Matthew 18...
"“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.
But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened.
Then summoning him, his lord *said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”"
71. Look at the love chapter. 1 Cor. 13. Read what all the Bible says God is. What LOVE is. And, see if you can follow those "rules" about love...while hitting your child...
Find the God/love in this picture?
72. God wants us all to be saved from our sins and come to a knowledge of the truth and to enter the kingdom of heaven. And, there is a force in the universe that does not want that. There is a force in the universe that wants me to be lost and enslaved to my sins and to live a life separate from God.
One thing that Jesus said reminds me why the way I treat children is of utmost importance. And, if you were to be honest you know you'd have to admit that you are punitive and spank your child because your child IS a child. They do these things because they are a child and you punish them for it, yet, Jesus says what about them? If your parenting is focused on beating the child out of the child...where do you think that teaching really comes from?
Matthew 18 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
73. God created everything in our world. He created all the organisms and the laws of physics that rule how all of them interact and grow. The more you know about science the more you know about God. (Romans 1)
And, in the physical universe that God created...there is nothing to prove that hitting my child will make them "better" in any way but there is PLENTY to prove that hitting my child will cause "death" in them in many areas. Socially. Cognitively. Emotionally. Spiritually. This is evidence that God left me in the physical universe to protect me from false teachings.
And, this evidence, He says, is OBVIOUS and CLEAR and when people insist on following "teachers" and ignore these obvious and clear teachings...they do so in "unrighteousness" (though they are very self-righteous) and it makes God mad...
75. "Everybody's doing it!" Christians seem to think that if you are worldly you don't believe in this godly form of discipline. They will accuse you of being less Christian if you try to suggest as a Christian that you don't believe in it. I was once told I was "thinking with my worldly mind" and that's why I didn't see the wisdom in those 5 Old Testament verses on "the rod."
But, "everybody's doing it." Over 90% of children live in homes where they are hit by their parents. So, am I to believe that 90% of the country is Christian? Hitting children really makes you more Christian?
Most non-Christians hit their kids as a form of discipline. Therefore to suggest that not hitting/spanking children makes you "worldly" is ludicrous because most of the world IS spanking...
Those who are disciplining their children gently are the minority.
As it is with most things...whatever is right is usually not popular...and whatever is popular is usually never right...
76. I do not wish to separate my children from Christ. All the verses that people use to justify spanking are from the Old Testament...from the time of "the law."Even if those verses used to mean back then that we were to hit our kids...with spatulas, wooden spoons, belts, and paddles for wrongdoing...we are no longer under law but under grace...aren't we?
You may think that as a Christian parent that you are hitting/spanking your child to raise up a godly child but Galatians 5 says that "You have been severed from Christ, you who are seeking to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace."
77. If I am instructed to "do unto others" I can't spank. I don't like to be hit or punished. I like to understand what I did wrong and to be given a 2nd chance. I like to be shown what to do to fix what I did wrong and how to do it better next time...so that I can keep learning how to be more like Christ. If this is what I would have done unto me...God says this is what I am to do to my child...simple!
78. Everything I do is training me and I need to train me to be like Christ. If my approach to the smallest, weakest members of society is one of "control" over them...what is this doing to my heart? If I approach those who are completely helpless and totally under my authority with an attitude of "me being dominant" and "me being the boss" and feeling like I have the power to do whatever I want to them (like hurt the, and make them cry) and that it's sanctioned by God...what will this do to my heart and how will that affect how I regard everyone else? Having an attitude of me being superior to my children armed a paddle to control their behavior is not going to train me to, "not only look out for your own personal interests but consider others as more important than yourself."
It's also not going to train me how to use my mind to deal with stress. One of the biggest arguments you hear from current pro-spankers is, "Well then if you don't spank what do you do?!" They are at a loss to think outside of controlling and forcing their kids to comply. This is a sad loss of that which makes us "in the image of God" and that is the use of our creative mind. If you have lost the ability to handle a situation with a toddler...this is a huge huge mental impairment and a very sad testimony to your maturity. When I made the switch from spanking to not spanking I really saw this and it was humbling and challenging and I was the one who had to mature and grow more than my children ever needed to.
If you think about it...if you are a person who has to hit a toddler as a "last resort"...if you actually run out of things to do with your mind to deal with your child...you are really in no position to be training that child to begin with. As a grown-up, you should be able to demonstrate how to use your words in any situation and if you find yourself needing to resort to hitting your toddler...you are the one in need of "discipline" not the child. And, if you are the one who must, as a "last resort" strike out physically at your child, isn't that a fair explanation as to why your child misbehaves to begin with since you are their example how to live?
79. Romans 1 tells us that hitting/spanking to teach morality is wrong. What? You've read that whole chapter and you didn't see that verse?
Here it is: "since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been seen, being understood through what has been made..."
I homeschool. I have to teach my kids a lot of things. If you came into my homeschool classroom and you saw that every time my child misspelled a word that I would hit her...you would be aghast! Every spanker knows that this is NOT an appropriate time to hit a child, right? But...I have to ask...why not?
Why not? Well, because, obviously, being hit for failing to do that right would not help her brain to learn to spell better...and it would instill fear in her of school and of "spelling"...and it would put weird associations in her about spelling and school...and ultimately it would really rob her of the love of reading, probably.
I would imagine that ANY skill our child needs to learn would be the same. If they fell when trying to learn to ride a bike and you hit them that would be not helpful and not encourage them to ride a bike better! If they fell off a horse they were trying to ride would you spank them...or tell them to "get back up on that horse?"
Anything you can think of...to "spank" the child for failing that skill would be counterproductive to teaching!
And, in the physical universe that God created...there is nothing to prove that hitting my child will make them "better" in any way but there is PLENTY to prove that hitting my child will cause "death" in them in many areas. Socially. Cognitively. Emotionally. Spiritually. This is evidence that God left me in the physical universe to protect me from false teachings.
And, this evidence, He says, is OBVIOUS and CLEAR and when people insist on following "teachers" and ignore these obvious and clear teachings...they do so in "unrighteousness" (though they are very self-righteous) and it makes God mad...
Romans 1
For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.
74. Jesus is my example how to live and be and He won the battle against sin in His children by submission and self-sacrifice. That's God's way. The world's way (the worldly way) would be to try to win this battle with "force" (beating the devil outta' our kids.)
Matthew 11
"From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force."
This is how Jesus "beat the devil outta' His kids."
75. "Everybody's doing it!" Christians seem to think that if you are worldly you don't believe in this godly form of discipline. They will accuse you of being less Christian if you try to suggest as a Christian that you don't believe in it. I was once told I was "thinking with my worldly mind" and that's why I didn't see the wisdom in those 5 Old Testament verses on "the rod."
But, "everybody's doing it." Over 90% of children live in homes where they are hit by their parents. So, am I to believe that 90% of the country is Christian? Hitting children really makes you more Christian?
Most non-Christians hit their kids as a form of discipline. Therefore to suggest that not hitting/spanking children makes you "worldly" is ludicrous because most of the world IS spanking...
Those who are disciplining their children gently are the minority.
As it is with most things...whatever is right is usually not popular...and whatever is popular is usually never right...
Matthew 7:13
“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.
“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.
76. I do not wish to separate my children from Christ. All the verses that people use to justify spanking are from the Old Testament...from the time of "the law."Even if those verses used to mean back then that we were to hit our kids...with spatulas, wooden spoons, belts, and paddles for wrongdoing...we are no longer under law but under grace...aren't we?
You may think that as a Christian parent that you are hitting/spanking your child to raise up a godly child but Galatians 5 says that "You have been severed from Christ, you who are seeking to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace."
77. If I am instructed to "do unto others" I can't spank. I don't like to be hit or punished. I like to understand what I did wrong and to be given a 2nd chance. I like to be shown what to do to fix what I did wrong and how to do it better next time...so that I can keep learning how to be more like Christ. If this is what I would have done unto me...God says this is what I am to do to my child...simple!
78. Everything I do is training me and I need to train me to be like Christ. If my approach to the smallest, weakest members of society is one of "control" over them...what is this doing to my heart? If I approach those who are completely helpless and totally under my authority with an attitude of "me being dominant" and "me being the boss" and feeling like I have the power to do whatever I want to them (like hurt the, and make them cry) and that it's sanctioned by God...what will this do to my heart and how will that affect how I regard everyone else? Having an attitude of me being superior to my children armed a paddle to control their behavior is not going to train me to, "not only look out for your own personal interests but consider others as more important than yourself."
It's also not going to train me how to use my mind to deal with stress. One of the biggest arguments you hear from current pro-spankers is, "Well then if you don't spank what do you do?!" They are at a loss to think outside of controlling and forcing their kids to comply. This is a sad loss of that which makes us "in the image of God" and that is the use of our creative mind. If you have lost the ability to handle a situation with a toddler...this is a huge huge mental impairment and a very sad testimony to your maturity. When I made the switch from spanking to not spanking I really saw this and it was humbling and challenging and I was the one who had to mature and grow more than my children ever needed to.
If you think about it...if you are a person who has to hit a toddler as a "last resort"...if you actually run out of things to do with your mind to deal with your child...you are really in no position to be training that child to begin with. As a grown-up, you should be able to demonstrate how to use your words in any situation and if you find yourself needing to resort to hitting your toddler...you are the one in need of "discipline" not the child. And, if you are the one who must, as a "last resort" strike out physically at your child, isn't that a fair explanation as to why your child misbehaves to begin with since you are their example how to live?
79. Romans 1 tells us that hitting/spanking to teach morality is wrong. What? You've read that whole chapter and you didn't see that verse?
Here it is: "since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been seen, being understood through what has been made..."
I homeschool. I have to teach my kids a lot of things. If you came into my homeschool classroom and you saw that every time my child misspelled a word that I would hit her...you would be aghast! Every spanker knows that this is NOT an appropriate time to hit a child, right? But...I have to ask...why not?
Why not? Well, because, obviously, being hit for failing to do that right would not help her brain to learn to spell better...and it would instill fear in her of school and of "spelling"...and it would put weird associations in her about spelling and school...and ultimately it would really rob her of the love of reading, probably.
I would imagine that ANY skill our child needs to learn would be the same. If they fell when trying to learn to ride a bike and you hit them that would be not helpful and not encourage them to ride a bike better! If they fell off a horse they were trying to ride would you spank them...or tell them to "get back up on that horse?"
Anything you can think of...to "spank" the child for failing that skill would be counterproductive to teaching!
How about "falling?" Christians talk about the "fall of mankind" and we all talk about "falling" into sin...think about it. How do you "fall?" You trip. You take wrong steps. You get distracted by something else so you trip. You don't see something in your path and trip on that or step on it. In any of the physical situations that lead to "falling"...the natural consequence of the fall is you hit the ground in a way you're not designed to and so you...feel pain. That natural consequence is supposed to teach you something. In no way would a child learning to walk or roller skate or rip stick...any of the things a child can do and "fall"...in no way will me punishing that child for falling help the child do better and not fall again. It's ridiculous to think that by hitting my child for falling that I will help them to not fall again in the physical world...
This is what you are to "clearly understand about God thru what has been made" as in Romans 1.
Morality is the ability to have empathy for others and to make good choices. It is not considered a "skill" as is handwriting and bike riding is, but, your brain learns these things in the same way. By repetition and maturity. And, so, if it is counterproductive to teach other things thru "spanking" it is likewise counterproductive to teach the skill or morality.
80. You don't want to eat any rotten tomatoes. I was just eating a handful of cherry tomatoes...popping them into my mouth without looking at them. One of them, felt "lumpy" in my fingers and I looked at it: eew. It hit me that that is the danger of eating those tomatoes "whole" actually. Usually, there is no outward sign that it's rotten on the inside and you don't know it till you've already chewed it several times washing your entire mouth with it's putrid juicy contents. So, while that lumpy outside made it an "unattractive" tomato, it sure did warn me about what was on the inside...preventing me from eating it!
When you spank, you are teaching your child how to "suppress the outward expression of what's inside them." An angry child is taught not to slam doors or break toys or back talk mom and dad. But, the anger is actually still in there.
Spanking teaches the kids that when their negative insides are expressed they get punished. So, they learn how to hide it.
So, what can happen someday is you can start going to a new church (for example)...and your pastor (spiritual leader) can seem great on the outside...but...if he was spanked...it's impossible to tell what's really on his insides until you really "take a bite" or he "gets squeezed." Wouldn't you rather that your pastor, and everyone you deal with, expresses truthfully what's inside them on the outside so you know what you're dealing with? Since this is what you would rather with the people you deal with, you need to raise your child up to be a person who is not "two-faced." Who is who they are on the inside and out. The only way to do that is to focus on their insides and regard their "behavior" as the expression of it.
Reasons 81 ~ 100...
This is what you are to "clearly understand about God thru what has been made" as in Romans 1.
Morality is the ability to have empathy for others and to make good choices. It is not considered a "skill" as is handwriting and bike riding is, but, your brain learns these things in the same way. By repetition and maturity. And, so, if it is counterproductive to teach other things thru "spanking" it is likewise counterproductive to teach the skill or morality.
80. You don't want to eat any rotten tomatoes. I was just eating a handful of cherry tomatoes...popping them into my mouth without looking at them. One of them, felt "lumpy" in my fingers and I looked at it: eew. It hit me that that is the danger of eating those tomatoes "whole" actually. Usually, there is no outward sign that it's rotten on the inside and you don't know it till you've already chewed it several times washing your entire mouth with it's putrid juicy contents. So, while that lumpy outside made it an "unattractive" tomato, it sure did warn me about what was on the inside...preventing me from eating it!
When you spank, you are teaching your child how to "suppress the outward expression of what's inside them." An angry child is taught not to slam doors or break toys or back talk mom and dad. But, the anger is actually still in there.
Spanking teaches the kids that when their negative insides are expressed they get punished. So, they learn how to hide it.
So, what can happen someday is you can start going to a new church (for example)...and your pastor (spiritual leader) can seem great on the outside...but...if he was spanked...it's impossible to tell what's really on his insides until you really "take a bite" or he "gets squeezed." Wouldn't you rather that your pastor, and everyone you deal with, expresses truthfully what's inside them on the outside so you know what you're dealing with? Since this is what you would rather with the people you deal with, you need to raise your child up to be a person who is not "two-faced." Who is who they are on the inside and out. The only way to do that is to focus on their insides and regard their "behavior" as the expression of it.
Reasons 81 ~ 100...
