41. You cannot be a leader and spank. What do I mean? Imagine in the physical literal world. If you are say...leading some sheep. If you are in the lead they are to follow. And, if they identify you as their source of safety and see you as their leader...they will follow you.
But, if you are forcing the sheep to follow you...you cannot do that from ahead of them. In order to threaten them you have to leave the lead position and move around behind them. You must move around behind them into the follower or last position because if you are going to use fear or pain to head them in the direction you want them to go you have to be behind them.
When you are behind them scaring them into moving the direction you want, then the sheep are actually left without a leader because you are not up there leading...you're behind them scaring/hurting them. As they're moving, they look out ahead and there is no leader there just "life" and the road ahead. And, all they know is to keep moving away from the person scaring and hurting them. Sometimes they will go to the left or to the right and if it's wrong they will find out when they "get what they got comin' to them." They will change course. But, ultimately, if you are driving a flock with fear and pain you are not leading...actually...they are.
One argument against "not" spanking one will inevitably hear is that if you do not spank your kids will run wild...and will "rule the roost." But, when you are behind your children driving them instead of leading them...they are ahead of you. They are leading you in that your parenting depends on which way the children turn. Then, you react and correct their direction.
This truth that you cannot lead with pain without moving into the rear or follower position is yet another clue that it's "wrong" to use pain and fear to "lead" your sheep (family). Imagine if you, as the leader, were to refuse to go to the rear of the pack and insist on staying in your leadership spot and attempt to use fear and pain to "lead" your sheep from that position...guess what? The sheep...being "threatened" and "hurt" (as in "do this or you'll get a spanking!" or the pain of the actual spanking) will end up running in the opposite direction that you are going...away from the source of pain and threat of pain.
Sound like "teenage rebellion?"
42. Being raised being hit for wrongdoing puts it inside a person that when someone does us wrong they must be punished. This impedes our ability to forgive as Jesus does because we grow up expecting that people who wrong us need to pay. And, we are commanded to forgive. And, we are forgiven as we forgive. This is a big problem. Why would any parent do something that's going to hinder our children's ability to forgive as God does?
Spanking our children and punishing them for their wrongs gives them a disability in the area of forgiveness. And, it is not modeling Christ.
Mark 11:25-27
Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”
Matthew 18:21
Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
43. Being raised being hit for wrongdoing puts it inside us that when we do wrong we are not at peace with ourselves if we do not get punished. Jesus said that as we forgive we shall be forgiven. We are impeded in feeling and being forgiven. This is really sad.
An experience I had when I wronged my teenaged son tells about this...
44. Having a fear of being caught in our sins helps blind us to our sin because we instinctively and automatically jump to justifications and excuses for our own sins because of the God-given fear of pain. If we justify and make excuses for our sins we aren't confessing them and if we're not confessing them we can't be forgiven, cleansed, and healed!
God designed us to avoid pain. So, why would He want us to do something to our children which would hinder them from confessing, being cleansed and forgiven?
45. Once you cross the line and follow thru on purposely inflicting pain on your helpless child something huge changes in your relationship which you can't fix. Can you imagine if God would cross that line and start hurting us to teach us lessons?
46. Oh! That's another point! God will get the blame! Being raised this way, when satan does enter someone's life and steals, kills, and destroys...God will get the blame for it if the person came to believe growing up that God hurts us to teach us lessons. This is, in my opinion, a crime.
Prov. 10:22
It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich, And He adds no sorrow to it.
Isaiah 5:20
Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
God is Love
God is good
James 1:17
Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow...
Genesis
God looked at everything He'd made and said it was very good...
47. It's difficult if not impossible to know the line between what you think is "discipline" and what is actually "abuse." Each person has different pain tolerances and sensitivities so it's impossible to know how many times or how hard a child may be hit before it's crossed the line into "abuse."
It's also been shown that children with attachment issues (such as adopted kids) have a higher pain tolerance which can lead their often Christian parents to hit them harder and harder to get the desired response from the children.
48. If you made a mark like the one above on any other type of person...even a person big enough to defend themselves...you'd be arrested. If you hit/spanked/struck (whatever you wanna call it) an elderly parent, your doctor, your nurse, your pool boy, your neighbor's child, a coworker, a school teacher...you name it! If you did what parents call "discipline" to any other type of person...even ones big enough to defend themselves...you would be...arrested.
49. For those with any hint of "temper" there is always the danger of really hurting the child. It will never happen if you just don't start going there to begin with. Better safe than sorry.
50. It's a "slippery slope." When a parent has never crossed the line and decided they were OK with hitting/spanking their child the chances of abusing the child are slim. If the parent has crossed the line the line of where the spanking is turned into a beating is blurry.
51. The child learns that they have no right to protect their own body from pain if the person is in authority over them who wishes to inflict that pain. By the time they are 18 many different adults will have had authority over them and not all of those adults will have that child's best interest at heart. To protect the child from abuse by other adults when we are not there to protect them the child needs to know that they have a right to say "no" to something they don't like happening to their bodies.
48. If you made a mark like the one above on any other type of person...even a person big enough to defend themselves...you'd be arrested. If you hit/spanked/struck (whatever you wanna call it) an elderly parent, your doctor, your nurse, your pool boy, your neighbor's child, a coworker, a school teacher...you name it! If you did what parents call "discipline" to any other type of person...even ones big enough to defend themselves...you would be...arrested.
49. For those with any hint of "temper" there is always the danger of really hurting the child. It will never happen if you just don't start going there to begin with. Better safe than sorry.
50. It's a "slippery slope." When a parent has never crossed the line and decided they were OK with hitting/spanking their child the chances of abusing the child are slim. If the parent has crossed the line the line of where the spanking is turned into a beating is blurry.
51. The child learns that they have no right to protect their own body from pain if the person is in authority over them who wishes to inflict that pain. By the time they are 18 many different adults will have had authority over them and not all of those adults will have that child's best interest at heart. To protect the child from abuse by other adults when we are not there to protect them the child needs to know that they have a right to say "no" to something they don't like happening to their bodies.
52. Children who are spanked are more likely to then use the same technique for getting submissive behavior from smaller siblings or playmates. This can lead to bullying.
53. Children who are spanked are usually also taught to hug the parent afterwards and to even be "thankful" for the spanking. To turn lovingly toward someone who has just hurt you is a bit weird and would definitely confuse what love is. And, this seems to be more like something satan would come up with than God because God IS LOVE. And, the perversion of what love is in our country (world) is something satan would be behind.
One thing Atheists will often scoff God for is all the pain and suffering in the world. If the world never associated love/pain with "parents" they would not look at this Father figure as the author of pain and suffering in the world. God gets a bad rap from this. God gets deprived His children's love because of this.
54. Due to the fallibility of the parents there is always the possibility that the parent will execute punishment on an innocent child. Or, that you will not take the time to fully understand why the child has done what they've done and this will only fill the child with resentment. (getting back to that verse about not exasperating our children!)
55. Due to the fallibility of parents...if a child is too frequently is punished for something they haven't really done, the child can grow up to become a person who likewise jumps to conclusions and "judges" people before hearing whole stories. This can cause a whole pile of troubles for that adult in every relationship they ever have as well as and most importantly, their relationship with God.
Luke 6:37
Due to the fact that children are going to have good heart motives sometimes and have bad outward actions because they are young and inexperienced...for parents to judge these children as worthy of punishment at times they are very good in their hearts will only make them doubt their own hearts and motives...and make it difficult for them to ever hear the voice of God for themselves. The parent acting as judge will be a stumbling block for the child. Never are parents instructed in the Bible to "be a judge" to the child. Only God can judge them. You are to lead...as Jesus led and leave the judgment to God.
One thing Atheists will often scoff God for is all the pain and suffering in the world. If the world never associated love/pain with "parents" they would not look at this Father figure as the author of pain and suffering in the world. God gets a bad rap from this. God gets deprived His children's love because of this.
54. Due to the fallibility of the parents there is always the possibility that the parent will execute punishment on an innocent child. Or, that you will not take the time to fully understand why the child has done what they've done and this will only fill the child with resentment. (getting back to that verse about not exasperating our children!)
55. Due to the fallibility of parents...if a child is too frequently is punished for something they haven't really done, the child can grow up to become a person who likewise jumps to conclusions and "judges" people before hearing whole stories. This can cause a whole pile of troubles for that adult in every relationship they ever have as well as and most importantly, their relationship with God.
Luke 6:37
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.
56. It can lead kids to reject the God of their parents. If the children see the parents as very fallible and exercising judgment on them they could come to reject the parents because of "hypocrisy" and also reject their teachings which for the Christian parents is a tragedy!
57. Due to the fallibility of parents...parents can mess up the child's sense of being able to judge themselves rightly. And, being able to judge yourself rightly is essential to avoiding sin! Being able to rightly judge yourself not only keeps you out of sin, but, is necessary for physical health!
Due to the fact that children are going to have good heart motives sometimes and have bad outward actions because they are young and inexperienced...for parents to judge these children as worthy of punishment at times they are very good in their hearts will only make them doubt their own hearts and motives...and make it difficult for them to ever hear the voice of God for themselves. The parent acting as judge will be a stumbling block for the child. Never are parents instructed in the Bible to "be a judge" to the child. Only God can judge them. You are to lead...as Jesus led and leave the judgment to God.
John 5:22
For not even the Father judges anyone, but He has given all judgment to the Son,
John 8:15
You judge according to the flesh; I am not judging anyone.
1 John 3:21
Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God;
James 4:17
Therefore to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it to him it is sin.
1 Cor. 11:28-30
...a man must examine himself, and in so doing he is to eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself if he does not judge the body rightly. For this reason many among you are weak and sick, and a number sleep.
58. When they live in households where they are hurt/punished for making mistakes they end up feeling safer with their peers than with parents. This pushes our kids to seek out someone who WILL accept them and not hurt them no matter what they do. They find this acceptance in their peers. To send our children to their peers for counsel and acceptance really…nothing could be more devastating to a child than to follow other children rather than their parents!
We DO love our children and WOULD die or kill for them. Their peers don't love them this way. And, so for our children to decide that they are safest with their peers and that their peers are their REAL friends and that their friends are the ones who love and accept them...for them to feel this way about people who would not sacrifice for them is truly sad and a tragedy.
God IS love and for us to do things which push our children to identify LOVE in the people who do not care for them truly...who would not sacrifice for them...who would stand by and watch them do harmful things to themselves...this is a crime against God! :(
59. Kids will learn to feel more comfortable "dirty." You know it says that "when we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness?" Hitting our kids when they do wrong makes them afraid to confess and prevents them from being forgiven or cleansed. This is a sad and grievous thing! This would be like making bathing painful. If bathing required the use of acid and a metal brush all the time no one would want a bath and everyone would be filthy and stink. People would come up with all kinds of ways to avoid bathing.
If our children are afraid to confess to us because OUR cleansing involves pain...they will also then be afraid to confess to God and will quickly learn to justify and deny their wrongdoings. And, they will do anything to avoid those baths leaving them filthy and stinky...inside...
60. Modern shepherds carry a staff (for guiding the sheep) and a gun (for protecting the sheep from predation which is a serious threat.) Ancient shepherds carried the staff…and since guns had not yet been invented they carried a club that had spikes on the end of it: the rod. The rod was for the predators not the sheep!!!
This is the reason that David could say that God's "rod and staff" gave him comfort even in the valley of the shadow of death. David knew that God would lead him when he was lost (like a GPS does) and was the best bodyguard against threats EVER!
