Giving what you value - what does spanking teach?

Think of how you handle things of value. 

Imagine yourself...

...holding a $10,000 diamond necklace in your hand. 

...sitting in the driver's seat of a brand new Corvette.

...holding a newborn baby.

...walking across a room with a crystal vase full of roses.

When we handle things "of value" - we handle them carefully. Tenderly. With reverence.

A child seeing a parent handling a valuable item would see through the parent's body language that the thing they were holding...was valuable.

So...what does spanking demonstrate to the child about their value? 

When the child sees the parent scowling, raising an arm in order to inflict pain upon them - what does that parental body language tell the child about their value?

In the Bible we read about a widow who put 2 copper coins into the temple treasury. Jesus said she had put in more than the rich had. We know literally she hadn't put in coins of more value than the rich...so what does Jesus mean?

"He said, “Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all of them; for they all out of their surplus put into the offering; but she out of her poverty put in all that she had to live on.”"

Those two copper coins were of extreme value to the woman and yet she gave them to God. The rich placed little value on the coins they put in because they had so much, so to God...their donation wasn't worth what hers was.

Someday your hope is that your child will serve God, yes?

In which way will they offer service to God? Like the widow or like the rich? 

Will your child see themselves with the value that the widow did the coins, and yet give anyway? Or will your child see themselves with the value the rich did...as essentially worthless...and give of themselves believing they really aren't worth anything anyway, so why not?

The way you treat your child...will determine how much they value themselves. And out of that valuation, they will either please, or not please God with their service.

For their service to God to be of value to God someday they must first identify themselves as having a high value...and choose to give of themselves anyway.

Picture your body language during a spanking. Picture the way you handle their body when you are spanking them. Picture the whole scene from the child's perspective. Does that picture teach them they are of the utmost value? 

For that matter imagine the impact on your child when you do so many of the prescribed things in books by men like Ezzo, Tripp, and Dobson. Does ignoring a crying child teach them they are of high value or little? Does separating yourself from them regularly to have "time away from them" teach them they have high value or little? Does threatening them with a whipping if they are disturbing your peace teach them they have high value or little?

Remember that Jesus told us we are to always "consider others (and that includes your children) as more important than yourselves," and realize that had your child been the only human on earth - Jesus still would have died for them. That's how much your child matters. 

Spend some time and try to imagine how you could live with your children in such a way as to demonstrate to them their immense infinite (blood of Jesus) value and inspire them...to want to choose...to live a life committed to God?

  

 

We reap what we sow...

Say you planted some seeds in your back yard...believing them to be cherry trees... You watered and weeded and took care of those seeds, watched them turn into saplings and finally a tree. 

Everything would seem to be going along just fine and according to your plan until...

Apples???

When that tree bore fruit...you'd realize your mistake, right?

Now, imagine you're talking to the person who planted this tree...as you stand before that tree in their yard with the bright shiny apples hanging on it and they say, "This is just so weird because...it's actually a cherry tree!"

Would you even know how to respond to someone who'd say that? Wouldn't you just look at them and wonder what they're on? What kind of brain damage they might have?

Now, imagine the person who planted the tree says, "I know what I'll do to fix this! I'll...climb up there and pull all those apples off! Then! Then it will cease to be an apple tree! And, I can just attach some cherries to it! Yes! That's how I'll change this apple tree into a cherry tree!"

Just...wow, right?

In Genesis we're told right away that things reproduce after their own kind and Jesus says that even with people..."You shall know them by their fruit..." The fruit doesn't make the tree, it simply identifies it...

When Jesus said we would know people by their fruits...what was He talking about? What are our human version of "fruits"?

Behavior.

Our behavior...isn't the problem. Our behavior doesn't make us who we are...it identifies what's inside us. It shows the world what's in us what really makes us who we are. 

Most "Christian" child rearing manuals focus on controlling the child's behavior...or fruit. Undesirable fruit is cut off (with spankings and punishments and threats of those) and desirable fruit is forcefully attached. Then, parents stand back in confusion and wonder when undesirable fruit takes over the tree at adolescence. 

When a child reaches adolescence, it's a common belief for Christians that children "rebel" as though that's a natural stage of development like crawling and walking, but it's not. If Jesus is telling the truth, you reap what you sow. The "rebellion" is the child's heart producing fruit that can no longer be repressed by threats, spankings, and punishments. The "rebellion" is fruit that's been there all along but been torn off by the parents, ignored, or replaced by more desirable fruit.

So, look at your kids and ask yourself what fruit you're seeing...that's the fruit of the seeds you've planted in them...

Parents who focus on threats, spanking, and punishments address the issue of negative fruits by "attempting to remove all the apples from the tree." Often, in the case of the "rebellious" adolescent, parents do this very aggressively, trying to tear off all the fruit they don't like and even forcing them to have "different fruit"...but it won't change their tree...

To get natural fruit that's the fruit you want to see...you must plant those...because Jesus said you reap what you sow...

So, you want children full of the fruits of the spirit? You must plant those kinds of seeds.

God is the one who wrote the Bible and created all these analogies/metaphors with nature to teach us and He said...you reap what you sow and plants bear seeds after their own kind.

How do you plant seeds and where do the seeds come from?

Do you...lecture the dirt?

Do you beat the dirt?

Do you threaten the dirt?

Do you deprive the dirt of things?

No? 

Then how do you plant seeds?

By getting your hands dirty...usually on your hands and knees...and being patient...

That means that to plant the seeds of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in your child...you must get your hands dirty with those things.

And...a gentle reminder to look to yourself is...since seeds bear seeds after their own kind...YOU must be the plant...that produces those seeds...

You cannot plant love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control with anger, frustration, upset, impatience, desire to punish, harshness, pain, and other-control.

If Jesus is telling the truth...you reap what you sow...so despising and fighting the fruit is...well...fruitless...

And, you tell me? Who would want you to use pain, fear, and other-control to raise your child (the way so many believe is the proper use of 'the rod')? Who would want to see you planting seeds of pain, fear, and everything that goes along with being hit by a parent? God? Or, that roaring lion who's prowling around seeking someone to devour?

Look at yourself. Imagine yourself in the mirror all throughout the day. What seeds ARE you planting in your children? 

Look at the log in your own eye because if you're planting seeds of pain, fear, and other-control...you are producing seeds after your kind...and rather than worrying about your child not displaying the fruits of the spirit, you need to ask yourself why you're not...

When the seeds you produce and plant are seeds of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control...then you'll begin to see different fruit in yourself and in your children...

Your children are watching you...
The world is watching you...
The world sees your fruit and the fruit in your children...

Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.

Galatians 6:1

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth. 

2 Tim. 2:15

Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you.

1 Tim. 4:16

But if you bear the name “Jew” (or Christian parent) and rely upon the Law (the rod) and boast in God, and know His will and approve the things that are essential, being instructed out of the Law, and are confident that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, a corrector of the foolish (able to judge, spank, and punish), a teacher of the immature, having in the Law the embodiment of knowledge and of the truth, you, therefore, who teach another, do you not teach yourself? 

You who preach that one shall not steal, do you steal? 

You who say that one should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? 

You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? 

(You who teaches your children not to hit one another, do you hit?)

You who boast in the Law, through your breaking the Law, do you dishonor God? 

(You who punish your children for being disobedient, do you drive the speed limit? Do you obey authority?)

For “THE NAME OF GOD IS BLASPHEMED AMONG THE GENTILES BECAUSE OF YOU,” just as it is written. (because the world sees your hypocrisy)

Romans 2:17

Sin punishes us but God saves

If I know the right thing to do and choose not to do it...it's called, "sin."

God's designed Creation to teach me that when I sin...it sows bad things, and that I will sooner or later then reap what I've sown.

"...you have sinned against the Lord, 
and be sure your sin will find you out."

Numbers 32:23

"Jesus *said to him, “Put your sword back into its place; 
for all those who take up the sword shall perishby the sword."

Matthew 26:53

"He who sows iniquity will reap vanity"

Proverbs 22:8

"The wicked earns deceptive wages, 
But he who sows righteousness gets a true reward."

Proverbs 11:18

"The sting of death is sin..."

1 Corinthians 15:56

Sin...punishes me because bad things we do have bad (painful) consequences.

Understanding this concept that God has put into the Creation is important for us. The way God has designed things there is a clear picture of what harms us and what saves us.

"His own iniquities will capture the wicked, 
And he will be held with the cords of his sin."

Proverbs 5:22

Jesus answered them, 
“Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin 
is the slave of sin."

John 8:34

Jesus came to the world to save me from sins...and often from the consequences of my sin. Jesus came to the world to save me from that punishment.

Sin hurts. Sin punishes.

Jesus saves. Jesus forgives.

Jesus is our example how to live. How to parent.

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children;"

Ephesians 5:1

When parents cross that line and take on the role of the punishment...they've abandoned God's original design and blurred the clarity of sowing and reaping because the parents change where the pain comes from when they behave like "the sin" and cause pain to their child...

So, what do you imitate in your parenting? Whose example do you follow?

"And so, by sinning against the brethren and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ."

1 Corinthians 8:12

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavymillstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea."

Mark 9:42

"Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom... 

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable,full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

James 3:13-18