Ditch those books!

What's one thing these popular books all have in common???

They're all written by men.

So what? 

What's that have to do with anything?

Have you ever considered whether or not God has given these men authority to give you this advice? Women, especially. Do you listen to these men? Does God really care if you use these books to go to these men for advice on how to care for your children?

1 Corinthians 14:35

If they [women] desire to learn anything, 

let them ask their own husbands 

Are those authors your own husband?

No. They're someone else's husband, aren't they?

In fact...

1 Timothy 3:12

Deacons must be husbands of only one wife, 

and good managers of their children 

and their own households.

The men who write these books are to be husbands to only one wife and managers of children in their own households.

Is he your husband? Are your children in that author's household?

Then has God given that man...the husband of another woman...the authority to manage your children?

No.

But it's not like that? You're not really letting that man manage your household?

If you obey the words of God in His book, the Bible...are you not being the hands and feet of Jesus...allowing Him to work through you?

Then if you are diligently obeying the words/advice of Michael Pearl, James Dobson, Ted Tripp, or Gary Ezzo through that man's books...then are you not being that man's hands and feet, and allowing him to manage your household through you?

I know you want to say no but if you can be honest...this is what you're doing.

And, have you ever stopped to wonder why God would tell you not to ask other men what to do with your household?

Another common factor of the books shown above is the attitude toward and treatment of children. Is it possible God knows taking advice from men who are not your life partner, your husband, could be bad for your household?

Just look at Creation...

Romans 1:20

...since the creation of the world, His [God's] invisible attributes, 

His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen,

 being understood through what has been made...

In most cases in Creation, the females innately know how to care for their young, and often end up needing to protect the young...from the father.

Another common factor of the books shown above is the cold attitude toward and harsh punitive treatment of children. All those men are in favor of leaving a baby to cry alone in the middle of the night, and all insist on spanking.

Romans 1:19-20

...that which is known about God is evident within them; 

for God made it evident to them...

so that they are without excuse.

For the most part...women cannot sleep through the sound of a crying baby the way a man can. And women...very often...will turn spanking over to the man, "Just wait till your father gets home!" because women are not wired to harm their children.

If women listened to their instincts...and to the men who they chose to be partners in life with...about the well-being of the children in their own households...and had no input from these other men via their books...most women would hold their children close, respond to them, cuddle them, sleep with them, and never hit them.

In other words...most women would never do the things advised in any of those books...and would instead...do exactly what they are supposed to do with their children...

The things that have been happening in this last century to children have resulted in the world we see around us right now.

This is why God said...

Titus 2:3

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior,

 not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, 

teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women 

to love their husbands, to love their children, 

to be sensible...

And, why does this verse say older women are to do these things? 

"...so that the word of God will not be dishonored."

If you care about what the Bible says about raising kids...you will ditch every one of those books written by men...and at least start listening to the advice of your heart...

1 John 3

...if our heart does not condemn us, 

we have confidence before God.

If the book you're reading, written by some other woman's husband...has you aching and crying...standing outside your crying baby's door, not responding...your heart is condemning you. 

If the book you're reading, written by some other woman's husband...has you brandishing a kitchen tool against your child's body and doing so makes you feel unpleasant...your heart is condemning you.

Stop reading books by other women's husbands.

Stop letting other women's husbands manage your households and children.

Listen to your hearts.

Consult older women who have happy, successful children.

Discuss things with your own husbands.

And most of all...imitate how your Heavenly Father has parented you.

Start doing these...so that the Word of God will stop being dishonored in the church...and by extension...we will begin to see the Word of God honored in the world...

After you ditch the books written by other women's husbands, you could give one of these a try...and if you log onto Amazon and check any of these out...there are plenty of trails to other books written by women...that will not lead your heart to condemn you...

Why did LR Knost write "Jesus the Gentle Parent"?

I took on big names like Dr. James Dobson (Dare to Discipline, The Strong-Willed Child, etc.), Michael Pearl (To Train Up a Child), Gary Ezzo (Babywise, GKGW, etc.), Tedd Tripp (Shepherding a Child's Heart), and more in the 'Christian' child-training arena in my new book. Some have asked why. 

Here are a few quotes from their books that I challenge and deconstruct in, 'Jesus, the Gentle Parent: Gentle Christian Parenting,' that show why this book absolutely needed to be written:

“After ten acts of stubborn defiance, followed by ten switchings, he surrendered his will to one higher than himself.” (about whipping a 15 month old) …

”Don't wait until they are one year old to start training. Rebellion and self-will should be broken in the six-month-old when it first appears…

"never show mercy. One squeak of a scream gets a switching.” (about whipping a 3-year-old) …

“For young children, especially during the first year, the rod is used as a training tool. You use something small and light to get the child’s attention and to reinforce your command. One or two light licks on the bare legs or arms will cause a child to stop in his tracks and regard your commands. A 12-inch piece of weed eater chord(sic) works well as a beginner rod. It will fit in your purse or pocket. Later, a plumber’s supply line is a good spanking tool…A baby needs to be trained all day, everyday.” (Michael Pearl)

“Pain is a marvelous purifier…It is not necessary to beat the child into submission; a little bit of pain goes a long way for a young child. However, the spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause the child to cry genuinely… Real crying usually lasts two minutes or less, but may continue for five. After that point, the child is merely complaining... I would require him to stop the protest crying, usually by offering him a little more of whatever caused the original tears.” (Dr. James Dobson)

“Even at mealtime, be looking for training opportunities in order to avoid retraining. Don’t allow poor eating habits– such as fingers in the mouth, playing with food, and spitting out food–to become a normal pattern of your child’s behavior. It only means correcting the child at a later date…

”Chastisement [spanking] is the price paid to remove the guilt thus free the child from his burden. If the parents do not remove the guilt, the child lives under the weight of sin.” (Gary Ezzo)

“A parent must recognize and see clearly that Biblically beating his child sensitizes that child not only to the fact of sin but also to its ugliness. In addition, the child will see that the penalty must always be paid when we sin…The one who does not Biblically beat his child, in a loving and consistent way, in a very real sense predisposes that child for hell and even has a very direct part in sending him there.” (Ronald E. William)

"Father: You didn't obey Daddy, did you?
Child: No.
Father: Do you remember what God says Daddy must do if you disobey?
Child: Spank me?
Father: That's right. I must spank you. If I don't, then I would be disobeying God. You and I would both be wrong. That would not be good for you or for me, would it?
Child: No. (A reluctant reply)"...
"If your child is still angry, it’s time for another round. ‘Daddy has spanked you, but you are not sweet enough yet. We are going to have to go back upstairs for another spanking"...
"If you fail to spank, you fail to take God's Word seriously. You are saying you do not believe what the Bible teaches about the import of these issues. You are saying that you do not love your child enough to do the painful things that God has called you to.” (Tedd Tripp)

The Bible absolutely does NOT command or even recommend spanking, and these books using God's Word to strong-arm parents into believing that they have to hit their children to save them from hell, that not hitting their children shows that they don't believe God and don't love their children is unconscionable. 

'Jesus, the Gentle Parent: Gentle Christian Parenting' gives Christian parents the chance to see things differently, to follow their hearts, to make peaceful parenting choices, and it offers them the Scriptural support to defend their parenting beliefs when challenged. 

Change is hard, and backlash is inevitable when deeply rooted cultural beliefs are confronted. That's okay. This book is simply a starting place, a beginning, a whisper of a hope for a more peaceful future that has its roots in the gentle hearts of parents tenderly and compassionately raising the next generation of gentle parents. 

Questions one must answer if you believe God commands you to spank...

Some questions which one should be able to answer if one is to believe that God commands us to spank our children...

1. At what age does the Bible indicate spanking should commence? 

2. According to the book of Proverbs, is it permissible for a father to strike his daughter? 

3. According to the Bible, is there a day of the week where spanking children is highly frowned upon? 

4. According to the book of Proverbs, is it permissible for a father to spank an adopted child or a child born who has another father? 

5. Is the book of Proverbs oriented towards the Law of Moses or the Law of Christ?

6. While slavery was allowed and even governed under the Mosaic law, do you think that it brought anything positive to those under it? 

7. Should a child cry when being given a spanking? 

8. Do you think that we can extract all the information we need to know about spanking from three to five verses in the book of Proverbs and that there is no need to study any other information in or outside of Scripture? 

9. If you physically carried a baby from birth to age three most of the time, how often do you think you would need to spank it? 

10. How much time did fathers in the Biblical period, according to the Bible, spend with their young children under the age of six?

For answers to questions like these...

"Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me: 

Christians and the Spanking Controversy" 

by Samuel Martin

Available as a free ebook here