If ya think about it...children who are familiar with the feel of a spatula or wooden spoon on their rear...usually can't do much of anything yet like...
compute math...
read...
formulate sentences...
walk steadily...
jump...
play a musical instrument...
roller skate...
drive a car...
paint beautiful pictures...
Think about it. Kids who are young enough that they are still "too young to reason with" and therefore need spankings...really can't do much of anything yet. When it comes to those "other" things we are pretty patient about them because we understand why: their brains aren't developed enough yet for them to do these things...like...
Do you spank them when they fail to poo in the potty?
Of course you don't because you realize that they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it and everyone is on a different time table. They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right. And, you recognize that adding the trauma of pain and punishment to the attempt to learn to use the potty can make it harder or make the kids go "backwards" in their learning.
Do you spank them when they can't get the spoon to their mouth and get food all over their faces? Of course you don't! You realize that they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it and everyone is on a different time table. They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right. And, you recognize that adding the trauma of pain and punishment to the attempt to learn to feed themselves might give them weird eating disorders.
Do you spank them when they fail to compute math?
Of course you don't because you realize that they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it and everyone is on a different time table. They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right. And, you recognize that adding the trauma of pain and punishment to the attempt to learn something like math will actually make it harder to learn math.
Do you spank them when they fail to read?
Of course you don't...they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it...They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right. And, you realize that spanking your child for not reading properly would turn them away from reading and make learning to read even harder.
Do you spank them when they fail to speak in sentences?
Of course you don't...they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it...They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right. And, you realize that spanking your child for failing to speak in sentences would likely give them a permanent fear of speaking.
Do you spank them when they fail to walk steadily?
Of course you don't...they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it...They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right. Spanking them would not help them learn to walk and would surely give them a fear of walking.
Do you spank them when they fail to jump?
Of course you don't...they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it and jumping is something that takes even longer than walking to learn to do. They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right. Spanking for failing to jump would forever associate pain with that activity.
Do you spank them when they fail to play music?
Of course you don't...they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it...and not everyone does it well. They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right. You recognize that pain and punishment would not help a child learn to play music.
Do you spank them when they fail to skate?
Of course you don't...they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it...They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right...and spanking would hinder their learning...
Do you spank them when they fail to drive a car?
Of course you don't...they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it...They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right...and spanking would hinder their learning...
Do you spank them when they bring you a paper with scribbles on it and call it a painting?
Of course you don't...they do that when they are developmentally ready to do it...They have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right...and spanking would hinder their learning...
Do you spank them when they fail to reason well and are "disobedient"?
Don't you think that they will reason well when they are developmentally able? Don't you think that they have to be shown how to do it and must practice and will often fail till they get it right? Do you think that pain and punishment WILL help them learn to do THIS better or might possibly, like all the other things, harm their ability to learn this skill?
Some people start spanking and punishing when children aren't even 1 yet..when their brains are still brand new and not even physically complete yet...and are spanking them for doing something (reason) that they aren't even physically able to do yet.
Often, children who are already familiar with the sting of a wooden spoon on the tender skin of their bottoms...still don't even notice how gross it is to stand in the middle of a room, squeeze poo out their bottom and into their diaper and run around with it squishing up in between their cracks while a smell that would gag a mortician fills all the air around them.
What if adding pain and punishment to the failure to reason would make children...go backwards in their development toward reasoning? What if it would make them afraid to try...and so rather than trying to reason and risk failing they simply shut off their brains and "comply" with whatever they're told? What if associating pain with "reasoning" (making choices) would hinder their learning? What if spanking and punishing has the same effect on ALL development and not just all those other things?
If you are a parent who has never considered this possibility before, you are not alone! If you spank only as a "last resort" when you feel your child is unreasonable but feel it is "necessary"...I invite you to accept a challenge...
I challenge you to go 1 little month...30 days...without spanking/punishing or threatening to spank your child. During this month...watch yourSELF and see how you react to teaching/disciplinary situations. Watch yourself and see how you may change and grow and become more reasonable (and creative) as you are forced to use your words when you can no longer resort to physical force to get what you want. And, watch how your child reacts to you as you change...
You can't simply "do nothing" but must handle all situations with your words...until the situations are resolved.
Take the challenge.
What do you do when your child is potty training?
What do you do to teach your child to use a spoon?
How do you teach your child to read?
How do you teach your child math?
How do you teach your child to walk?
How do you teach your child to jump?
How do you teach your child to drive a car?
How do you teach your child to skate?
How do you teach your child to paint?
Apply these skills to how you teach "reasoning." You don't either threaten or spank the child OR do nothing to teach those things. So, begin to teach your child how to reason and make choices the same way you teach them everything else...and watch your life change...for the better...
And, keep a diary of how you feel during these 30 days. Keep a diary of your challenges, what you're learning, your frustrations and your victories...then come and leave your story here in the comments below...
It isn't as if spanking and reasoning are the only two choices. If parents set firm rules and then follow through with consequences (time outs. taking away toys or privileges) children learn the connection between cause and effect. Unfortunately, this requires a lot more work and patience than spanking, and most parents can't be bothered.
ReplyDelete